


Genesis- A Divergent Story

by notasthinkasyoudrunkiam



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Amity Faction, Angst, Betrayal, Blood, Childhood Friends, Dauntless Faction Initiation, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fighting, Peter is a Little Shit, Possessive Eric, Slow Burn, Swearing, Violence, character has actual personality, dauntless, gay relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2020-04-23 09:48:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19148569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notasthinkasyoudrunkiam/pseuds/notasthinkasyoudrunkiam
Summary: She was so light.The grey sky enveloped her vision as she fell, with no idea if she was going to hit the concrete or the body of safety in the compound.She was a small, insignificant piece in the world, but in that moment, she felt like everything.Her mind had never been so focused on one thing.I’m falling.In this state of danger, facing the prospect of death, she had never felt more alive.She had crawled out of Amity, now she was falling into Dauntless.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Mia is Divergent.Amity.Erudite.Dauntless.But most of all, she's invisible.She spends her days watching people- how they speak, how they act, how they are.Then, all her noticing gets her noticed. She realises that to some, she isn't quite invisible as she thought she was.In fact, she becomes the only girl he's ever seen.(I do not own Divergent, its world, plot and original characters belong to Veronica Roth. I do own, however, Mia, her plot line and any other original characters of my own creation that are not mentioned in the Divergent canon. This story includes elements from both the books and the movies)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Don't be afraid to leave constructive criticism on the character, accuracy of other characters, plot, and writing. Thank you!

In a yellow frock that reached her knees, with orange sandals that slipped off her feet when she ran, a girl of ten years sat alone on the oak wooden bench, eating her ham sandwich and minding her own business. She ignored the laughter and glee of the other school children- the ones in black and red uniform swinging on the monkey bars and hanging upside down from the top of the climbing tower, the ones in blue inspecting what seemed to be an insect of some species, the ones in black and white having an engaging conversation of which she recognised a combination of shouting and laughing, the ones in grey sitting in mostly silence a few tables down, and the ones in yellow, like herself, playing tag or gathered in a circle playing cards. She shouldn’t be sitting alone. Amity was about positive relationships with others, but the girl just wanted to watch.

She did that a lot. Watching, observing, examining. Picking out what made everyone so different that they had to be separated from each other. Trying to figure out why she didn’t want to play card games with the rest of the Amity kids.

Taking another bite of her sandwich, the girl noticed three boys, looking smug in their Candor uniforms, heading over to where she was sitting. The girl had been taught by her faction to treat everyone as how you would want to be treated, which was a good thing, she supposed, except when people didn’t return the same kindness.

“Hey Lame-ity,” the boy in the middle, whom she assumed was their leader, called out.

All three of the bullies were two years older than the girl. They were a head taller, with muscular, bulky arms and scowls permanently plastered to their faces. Their shadows loomed over the girl’s skinny frame as they stood at the foot of the bench, arms folded. The girl gave them a look of disinterest and continued eating her lunch.

“Is everyone finally fed up with your lies you call kindness?” The leader taunted.

The girl knew of the feud between Candor and Amity- she had witnessed multiple ‘civilised arguments’ between her parents and Candor residents on public transport. Her parents were very opinionated people and weren’t afraid to say it. It made her wonder if they would have belonged in Candor in another life.

She knew not to respond. If his bone to pick was with Amity’s way of kindness, it was best not to give him any.

“What? Speechless now, are you?” The boy on the left remarked, earning a chuckle and elbow nudge from his friend.

The girl noted that their laughs sounded like the donkeys back at the Amity farms. She tried to suppress a snicker but failed.

“What’s so funny?” said the leader.

The girl swallowed her mouthful of ham sandwich. “Your friend’s joke. It was quite hilarious.”

The boys looked at each other in confusion.

“I actually think you’re all hilarious,” she said sweetly. “I’ve never met people as funny as you are.”

“Shut up,” said the middle boy, finally catching on to her sarcasm unlike his henchman. “You think you’re funny? Well you’re not. You’re a filthy Amity cow.”

By the time he had finished his insult, the girl had finished her sandwich. Without acknowledging the boys, she closed her container and returned it to her lunchbox.

“You hear that?” He spat with such malice that sparked anger inside the girl.

As she pulled her shiny red apple- the favourite part of her lunch- from her lunchbox, the boy smacked it from her hand. It landed on the concrete with a crunch, and rolled onto the grass, where a dauntless boy kicked it at his friends. The girl watched it go on its journey with fury.

“You’re just a stupid whore.”

She snapped her head to him, her black plaits whipping around as she did.

“Don’t call me stupid,” she said in a menacing tone.

With outrage on being told what to do, the boy retorted, “I’ll do whatever I want!”

He grabbed ahold of the front of the girl’s dress and lifted her up. In a panic, she quickly swung back her fist and connected it with the boy’s temple. He let go immediately and cried out in pain, staggering back. From her position down on the concrete, she could see a bruise beginning to form, along with a large lump.

I did that… The girl thought.

Amity was the peaceful faction, not the violent faction. What she had done was a grave offence. An Amity clothed teacher came rushing over to tend to the boy, who was crying and accusing the girl of attacking him. She knew that whatever she would say, it wouldn’t matter. She would bear the consequences anyway, because she had broken the rules.

But that night, after she had received the anti-violence lecture from her parents and they had bid her goodnight without dinner, Mia began to think that maybe she was more than Amity. Maybe she was kind… but maybe she was smart? Maybe she was brave? But the thought had vanished from her mind when her head hit the pillow.


	2. Invisible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aptitude test is drawing near, and Mia knows what she's most likely to get. So why is she so nervous?
> 
> Flashbacks to Mia's childhood are revealed as she struggles to avoid her nerves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to leave a Kudos and subscribe to get updates when I upload!

It was ironic how one of her darkest days began with the most beautiful morning.

The sun rose from the skyline in a giant display of colours. Yellows like the ripest of corn and purest of gold, oranges like the embers of fire that cling on to life, and even pinks, manifested from the feeling in your stomach when you’re around your significant other. The western sky was a deep, midnight blue, as if you could pour all your hopes and dreams into it, yet it would just be absorbed into its expanse.

Mia found peace in observing. That’s how she could escape- escape the issues of the problematic society in which she lived, escape the growing tension between Candor, Amity and even her own parents, and escape the fear of today.

Today was the day of the aptitude test. The test that told you what faction you belonged in. Were you brave, like Dauntless? Smart, like Erudite? Selfless, like Abnegation? Honest, like Candor? Or were you kind, like Amity?

Mia sat on the front porch of her cottage, situated on a hill at the edge of the forest. At the bottom of the hill were the vegetable farms- carrots, spring onions, beetroots. Smaller cottages surrounded this farm; others who worked here, like her parents. Scanning the crops, Mia wondered if after today, she would ever have to think about working there again.

Like most other sixteen year olds, except perhaps Dauntless, she had not gotten much sleep. The nerves were eating away at her stomach, and after trying to tell herself not to be nervous, she decided that it was inevitable. Sitting in her nightclothes, in the cool morning air, she took a deep breath and told herself to calm down, and just watch the sky move.

Watching gave Mia a great knowledge and understanding of, not just how the world worked, but how people worked, like how they could fake their happiness among others but steal moments of sadness when they thought no one was looking.

On the other hand, her whole life of watching earned her the art of subtlety: observing patterns in her classmates' behaviour so that she knew exactly when they were suspicious, knowing how to create the perfect distraction based on someone’s habits and personality, even learning the normal person’s extent of peripheral vision. Although, for someone like Mia who was short and not particularly memorable in the first place, it wasn’t extremely hard.

She learnt to keep her footsteps light to the point of silence, her movements swift and accurate, her breathing shallow. Once, she snuck into an empty classroom and caught two teachers- both Candor- with their tongues down each others’ throats. They didn’t notice at all, even after she left. Mia could become invisible. She was a ghost. Little did she know, it would come in handy someday.

The sound of the floorboards creaking didn’t startle Mia- she was usually the one doing the sneaking anyway. She turned her head to see a small boy standing in the doorway, rubbing his eyes sleepily and yawning ungracefully.

“How are you up so early?” Trevor, Mia’s younger brother, murmured.

The side of Mia’s mouth tugged into a small smile. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Trevor walked over to her and sat beside her, his legs dangling over the gap between the porch and the grass.

“Are you nervous?” He asked.

For a boy of twelve years old, Trevor was very intuitive. He always knew when something was wrong, and with Mia and Trevor’s close bond, he constantly knew what she was feeling.

“Very.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be.”

“And why’s that?”

Trevor took a moment to think before he replied, “You’re going to win, of course.”

Mia laughed. He was also not very clever.

“Trevor,” Mia began. “You can’t win the test. You just have to do it, and they tell you what you are. You just have to be… you.”

And that’s what I’m afraid of, she thought.

“Oh,” he said. “Well, I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

Despite his words of comfort, Mia did not feel any better. The old saying that was taught relentlessly in school flashed before her eyes.

Faction before blood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The students were told that each test would go for around twenty minutes. It was explained that no one could be tested by someone from their own faction, which prevented any chances of personal relations with the administrator.

Mia found it highly unlikely that it’d be anyone she knew anyway. Even in the school cafeteria, she sat at the end of the table with the other Amity kids, ignoring their conversation. It wasn’t that she was rude or didn’t have friends- Mia fit in well in Amity with her kind and forgiving nature- she just didn’t like to talk a lot. Talking was a faulty way of finding out things from a person, because they could lie.

Looking around at the other tables, the teenagers from other factions were doing their stereotypical factions things. Some Dauntless were playing ‘Truth or Dare’, others were playing cards; most of Erudite were reading newspapers and books, or chatting quietly; Candor were the noisiest, as a great deal were engaged in a heated discussion about something Mia couldn’t hear, due to their voices overlapping too much; and Abnegation sat still on two tables, talking softly, trying to avoid attention. It reminded Mia eerily of a certain day in elementary school.

Dauntless was the faction that Mia belonged in- she assumed that it was going to be her result. She always insisted on the hard jobs on the farm that required some level of challenge, she snatched knives from the gardening sheds when no one was looking and practised her aim on trees so often that she never missed her target, and her past time was running the farms of Amity until her legs were on fire.

But as she thought about it, Erudite would also suit her, dare she admit it. She was often poking into places she shouldn’t, asking too many questions, getting annoyed when she was dismissed for not being old enough to know what her parents were talking about, even though she knew exactly. Her knowledge of people wasn’t exactly what Erudite was all about, but she did have a sort of thirst for knowledge, and it made an uneasy feeling settle in her stomach, for reasons unbeknownst to her.

Mia couldn’t imagine transferring to either Candor or Abnegation. Amity was the complete opposite of Candor, and Mia lied too much to belong anyway. She also didn’t care enough about other people to be Abnegation. Being kind, she could do, but being selfless like Abnegation meant losing her identity completely, and being herself was what kept her in the present in the first place. 

Sometimes Mia lost herself when she got caught up in watching others, then had to remind herself where and who she was. It was like, for a few moments, she hadn’t even existed.

Staying in Amity was equivalent to not existing, Mia understood. Although it would satisfy her parents greatly, and she could stay with Trevor, there was no way Mia could stay where she didn’t belong. She’d eventually fade into nothingness.

A teacher’s voice ordered the chattering in the cafeteria to cease. He called out ten names- two students from each faction. Mia’s ears perked up at the sound of one name- Edward, a boy from Erudite. Edward was the closest thing she had to a friend.

As a child, Mia had trouble with bullying. A small Amity girl who sat alone at lunchtimes was a popular target for larger kids who thought they were better than everyone. She sometimes fought back, but they always found a way to blame her, because she had no one to back her up. 

No friends. 

It wasn’t until she was twelve years old, that she noticed a strangely familiar Erudite boy sneak around the side of the school building, holding something close to his chest. The other children were too busy playing to notice, but Mia did. She noticed that every second lunchtime, that same blonde boy smuggled something out of the school and hid behind a building. After several times, curiosity led Mia to his hiding place.

Peering around the corner, she saw the boy pouring over a thick book. It was no surprise to Mia, he was Erudite. What puzzled her was why he was hiding. Surely the rest of his friends and teachers wouldn’t care if he was simply reading a book.

The boy seemed to be mouthing the words as he read, too invested to realise that he wasn’t alone. Mia stood still, a few feet away from him, before speaking.

“Hi,” she said.

The boy let out a yelp and jumped in fright. “Jesus Christ…”

“Who?” Mia said, confused.

He shook his head, his short golden hair swaying slightly.

“How did you find me?”

Mia hesitated, debating on whether she should tell the truth or not.

“I saw you come here. You’re not very discreet.”

The boy opened his mouth to argue, but closed it, deciding she was right.

“What are you doing?” Mia asked.

The book laid open on the ground, the page showing a drawing of a person in a defensive stance. It’s glossy cover, due to the plastic protector sleeve, told Mia that it was a book from their school library. Mia inched closer to see, but the boy snatched the book and slammed it shut.

“None of your business.”

Mia couldn’t argue. It was none of her business.

“What’s your name?” She said instead.

The boy gave a short, obnoxious laugh. “Just because you caught me here doesn’t mean I want to be your friend.”

Ouch, Mia thought, though she was used to the insults and brushed it off.

“Oh, that wasn’t my intention,” Mia assured, using a big word she had learnt in class, “I was asking so I knew who to tell on when I told the teacher. Stealing books from the library is against the rules, isn’t it?”

The boy’s eyes widened at the threat, though he managed to scoff nervously. “You wouldn’t. You’re in Amity after all.”

“Watch me... Edward,” Mia challenged, finally remembering him as the boy who sat behind her in math class.

As Mia turned to leave, she heard a scuffle behind her.

“Wait!” He called desperately, making Mia stop in her tracks and turn around.

Edward had scrambled to his feet, and with his tall, slender frame, stared down at the short girl in front of him.

“Don’t tell anyone,” he pleaded.

“I won’t, as long as you show me exactly what you’re doing.”

He sighed and motioned for her to sit down against the wall. Edward placed the huge book on his lap.

“‘The Ultimate Guide to Martial Arts: Volume 1’,” Mia read the title aloud. “You’re studying how to fight?”

“Yes,” Edward said. “They- Erudite- say it’s a waste of time, but I find it really helpful.” Edward turned the pages with his long fingers solemnly as he spoke. “Erudite always encourages the pursuit of knowledge, but most of the stuff they want me to learn is useless. I want to learn skills that will help me to survive.”

“Why would you have trouble surviving?” Mia inquired.

“... I don’t know,” Edward replied, taken aback at the question. “I just thought it was more useful to me than factorial pyramids.”

“What’s fac-”

“It’s… nothing. It’s stupid.”

Mia smiled slyly. “That’s not a very Erudite thing to say…”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m not Erudite,” Edward snapped suddenly.

Silence hung in the air, with Edward processing what he just said and Mia watching him do it.

“I’m sorry, that’s a stupid thing to say-”

“No, no it’s not,” Mia interrupted. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think I’m Amity either.”

Edward looked at Mia sideways. They both smiled.

“I’m Mia, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Mia.”

Edward and Mia kept their friendship hidden. It was rare to see children, let alone teenagers, have friends in other factions. Every second lunchtime, they would meet behind the school building and practise martial arts from the book Edward had ‘borrowed’. They fought each other, Edward always winning over brute strength rather than technique, which Mia always pointed out. In fact, Mia and Edward both had the same level of technique, with different executions. Mia was always faster and observant of weak spots, while Edward was stronger and strategic with his moves.

Needless to say, they both became very resilient, and very brave.

It was one of the things that had convinced Mia she was Dauntless.

By the age of fifteen, Mia and Edward drifted apart. Edward got a girlfriend, Myra, who came in the way of their meetings. With solemnity and mutual understanding, they parted ways. They still greeted each other in the hallways and made small talk when possible, but other than that, they were strangers.

It hurt, Mia couldn’t deny, especially having to train by herself back home in Amity. It seemed the only thing that hadn’t let her down was her knife aim.

Despite not having any spite towards Myra at all, Mia constantly wondered if anything might’ve happened between her and Edward, had Myra not come in the way of their friendship.

~

To say Mia was nervous was an understatement. As much as she knew she was Dauntless, there was a part of her that second-guessed. 

She spent the next two hours psyching herself up and then trying to calm down, getting even more nervous every time her name wasn’t called out. It was just Mia, two other Amity girls, two Candor, two Erudite, three Dauntless and no Abnegation left waiting in the cafeteria when Mia was called. Getting up, she clasped her hands in front of her dress, her long plaits hanging down the side of her face. Danielle, one of the Amity girls who walked in front of her out the door, was shaking all over, making Mia a tiny bit calmer knowing that she wasn’t the only one frightened to death.

The teacher directed Mia and the third Dauntless member- a boy with outrageously spiky hair- to the doors at the front of the corridor. She explained that since there were more kids in their faction than Abnegation, they were to be tested by the non-Abnegation volunteers. That made Mia smirk despite her nerves; she supposed that having a lot of children was self-indulgent in a way.

The door in front of which she stood before suddenly swung open, though Mia didn’t feel ready. She accidentally stumbled into the testing room, causing the Dauntless administrator to chuckle.

“It’s always the last ones, isn’t it?” She mumbled to herself.

Mia wasn’t listening. Her eyes scanned the room, in which its walls were lined with mirrors. She saw her skinny frame, blanketed in a tangerine orange coat over a dandelion yellow skirt and top. Her light blue eyes stared critically at her pale white skin, that hadn’t tanned despite the amount of time she’d spent outdoors. She sighed at the state of her hair: wispy strands of pitch black hair had come loose from her double braids, making her look like she had just woken up.

“Sit down,” the test administrator said, clearly wanting to get it over with. “I’m Tori, I’ll be administering your aptitude test.”

Mia sat down in the chair hesitantly. Tori resembled the typical Dauntless- wacky hairstyle, a no-nonsense attitude, a tattoo on the back of her neck that showed when she turned her head slightly. Mia’s silence must have perplexed her, because she narrowed her eyes in Mia’s direction.

“Looking for something to compliment me on?” She said.

Amity encouraged their members to compliment people as much as possible, especially on first meetings. Mia found this the most tiresome thing about Amity, and it was no wonder Candor hated them so much.

Mia was startled at her comment.

“Oh, no I just- I mean you look-”

Tori chuckled. “Don’t worry about it.”

She gave Mia a knowing look, one that Mia found quite reassuring. One that said ‘it’s okay to be different’.

“Here,” said Tori, handing Mia a vial of clear liquid, “Drink up.”

Taking the glass and sniffing it, then realising that it gave off no smell, Mia scrunched up her face.

“What is it?” She asked.

Tori sighed, obviously fed up from being asked the same question a thousand times. “It’ll put you into the simulation. Just drink.”

Before she had time to overthink it, Mia raised the glass to her lips and gulped down the flavorless liquid. At first, she didn’t think it had worked, until she looked to the side and saw that the room was completely empty.


	3. The Aptitude Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia completes the Aptitude Test, with surprising results...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Subscribe for updates when new chapters are available!

She blinked once. Then twice, processing her surroundings.

Mia moved off the side of the chair, and stared into the pale eyes of the girl that looked back.

The mirrors extended as far as Mia could see, her thousands of reflections mimicking her movements and stunned expression. Her heart beat steadily in her chest. She felt strangely calm, even though it wasn’t what she expected. There were no burning buildings that she had to salvage, no cliffs she had to scale. Yet.

Mia reached out her hand to touch her reflection, her fingers centimetres away from meeting before a voice echoed in her mind, as if she were imagining it.

Choose.

Spinning around, Mia came face to face with two podiums- a knife on one and a block of cheese on the other.

Again, the voice commanded, Choose.

Choose? What for?

Without giving it too much thought, Mia snatched the knife, knowing instinctively that she was able to use it better than an apparently useless piece of cheese. She fiddled with the grip, fitting it into her hand comfortably, now even more calm that she wielded her desired weapon.

There were no immediate signs of danger. Mia listened out for strange noises, but all she heard was the eerie ringing in her ears from the simulation. It was like she was under water, all sounds muffled and indistinguishable.

Looking around, Mia caught sight of a dark blob in the distance of the mirrors. Her eyes widened as it grew exponentially until it became clear that it was an animal, no, a large dog, with a thick brown coat and a growl that seemed to vibrate through Mia’s body. It slowed its pace, foam dripping from its vicious teeth as it snarled and positioned itself to attack.

She squared up, holding the knife out in front. 

Am I supposed to kill this dog? She thought.

The thought crossed her mind, the dog was definitely a threat, and running was completely useless, but nagging at her conscience was a line from one of the martial arts volumes about animal threats, specifically dogs. She remembered that dogs could basically smell fear- anxiety, nerves, sweat- and that it wouldn’t want to attack if their opponent wasn’t frightened or didn’t have to intention to harm.

Mia slowly bent down to drop the knife, her hands signalling a surrender, earning a low growl from the canine. She straightened and tried to calm her breathing, exhibiting confidence and intimidation. The dog stopped snarling, and turned away from her, stalking back to the direction from which it came. Mia smiled slightly, thinking she had made the right decision, until she witnessed something manifesting to the right of her. The blur became a girl- her generic features seemingly familiar to Mia, and though she knew she had never seen her before, she felt a strong connection to her, as if she were kin.

“Puppy!” She squealed, her arms outstretched as she began to approach the dog.

Mia’s eyes widened as the dog barked menacingly and crouched low, ready to attack the girl who became instantly terrified.

“No!” Mia screamed in panic.

As the girl bolted away and the dog pounced, Mia scrambled for the knife and threw it as hard as she could. The dog whined and collapsed as the blade sank into its back, blood spilling from the wound. Mia fell to her knees and sighed, both in relief and in despair. She hadn’t wanted to kill the dog initially, but she had no choice.

For a few seconds, Mia remained on the floor, listening to the receding footsteps of the young girl who hadn’t stopped running, and watching the blood pour from the carcass. 

Then, the mirrors melted around her. 

By the time Mia stood up, she was on a bus, standing in the corridor. Startled, she walked down the corridor, past passengers from all different factions. She stopped next to the only available seat- beside a man with a horrific scar across his face, distorting it disturbingly. He held a newspaper, of which his hands crumbled the sides because he was gripping it so tightly.

“Do you know this man?” He croaked, holding up the front page.

With only a quick glance at the picture, Mia knew that she did indeed know him, although, she couldn’t remember interacting with him, or how she knew him in the first place.

“I said, do you know this man?” The scarred man demanded, his tone laced with desperation and malice.

“Why?” Mia asked, trying to change the subject. “Sir, if I can understand why, I might be able to help you.”

The man stood up from his seat, his face distorting impossibly more with anger.

“You can save me!” He cried. “You can save my life! Just tell me you know him!”

His now aggressive attitude unsettled Mia, making her aware that he could hurt her if she was not careful. He claimed that she could save his life, but people lie to get what they wanted, and something told Mia that saying that she knew the man would do more harm than good.

“I don’t know that man, Sir,” Mia said, her tone firm. “I don’t know him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gasping, Mia sprang forward from her chair, her hands steadying herself on the armrests. 

Phew. I’m glad that’s over with, she thought immediately.

Her hand rested on her forehead as she closed her eyes and smiled through the adrenaline rush. She turned to Tori, who had gone pale looking at the screen and was mumbling something incomprehensible.

“Um… is everything okay?”

Tori looked at Mia with wide eyes.

“No. Shit,” she breathed.

“What?” Mia replied, alarmed. “What happened?”

“Um… I’m sorry Mia.”

A million thoughts ran through her mind.

What is she apologising for? What was my result? Am I in Amity? Or… am I factionless?

“W-w-what was my result?”

Tori sighed. “Your result was... inconclusive.”

Mia stared in shock, her body paralysed.

What the fuck does that mean?

“Each part of the test eliminates a faction, except, you demonstrated more than one.”

Tori went on the explain each section of the test and what Mia did. Taking the knife showing Dauntless, but abandoning it showed Amity. Standing before the dog showed Erudite, but then killing it showed Dauntless. She elaborated on the actions of the second test, on the bus. Questioning the man demonstrated Erudite and lying ruled out Candor and Abnegation.

“...therefore, your result was mostly Dauntless and Erudite, but also Amity.”

Mia’s mouth hung open. “But that’s not-”

“Yes, it is. It’s called Divergent.”

How had she not seen it before? Despite being Erudite, she felt so stupid, and despite being Dauntless, she felt so afraid.

Tori gave Mia a look of pity. “I’m really sorry Mia. You can’t tell anyone. Anyone. Not your friends, not your teachers, not even your family. They will kill you if they find out.”

“They?” Mia repeated. “Who’s ‘they’?”

“The people in charge, the government. They see Divergence as a threat to the faction system. They see it as dangerous. I’ll enter your result manually as Dauntless.”

She spoke so quickly that Mia hardly managed to keep up with what she was saying. It was almost as if she had said it before...

“Now go home and remember, don’t tell anyone.”


	4. Divergent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia has to deal with the news and make her decision at the Choosing Ceremony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! Thanks so much for the comments and the kudos. I've been procrastinating a lot which is why I haven't uploaded sooner. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it so far. Make sure to subscribe so you get notifications for when I upload next!

The ride home was a long and lonely one. The train was empty; Mia didn’t know if that was good or bad. On one hand, there was no one to see her freak out. On the other, she was freaking out. 

_What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck..._

Alone, her thoughts ran like wildfire, consuming her mind and choking out any sense of calm. One word resonated clearly among the flames:

_Divergent._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The more she ate her dinner, the more she felt it eating away at her stomach. The burden of this great secret had only been placed upon her a few hours ago, and it was already burning her up from the inside. Maybe it was because she sat amongst those she loved, whom she had to refrain from confiding in.

_What’s going to happen? How am I going to stay hidden, let alone stay alive? What the fuck did I get myself into? I’m going to die… I’m going to die._

“Mia!” Mia’s mother, Holly, interrupted her spiralling thoughts. “Are you okay?”

Mia blinked, taking a moment for her mind to process external information, before nodding unconvincingly. Her mother and father were chewing their bread with concerned expressions, while Trevor sat beside her, absent-mindedly stirring his soup.

“So,” Holly began, “we won’t ask you what you got, since we’re not allowed.”

She smiled after that, a pure smile through which Mia could see hidden pain.

“But we will ask, are you _happy_ with it?”

Mia was struck with panic instantaneously. There was no way she could lie.

“Were you, Mum?” She asked instead.

Holly looked down at her half-eaten meal, and then back up, smiling sadly.

“No, I wasn’t. As Erudite, I valued knowledge-” Mia noted that this was the first time her mother had discussed her old faction, “- When my result told me Amity, I was devastated. I had to leave behind my family, find a whole new way of living that was so foreign to me. But, I made the right decision, I chose where I belonged.”

Zachary, Mia’s Father, put a hand on his wife’s shoulder, who tensed at the contact. “Just think. If she had chosen to stay, I never would have met her. And you two-” he gestured to Mia and Trevor- “wouldn’t even be here right now!”

An awkward silence followed, with Zachary slowly returning his hand to his lap. Holly cleared her throat.

“Your decision is very important, Mia,” she said. “I know you’ve heard it thousands of times, but _faction before blood._ ”

Both her parents smiled reassuringly, while Trevor ate in silence.

Mia’s soup tasted of guilt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting on the porch, mirroring her actions in the morning, Mia was enveloped by a whole new feeling: dread. The Sun that was now descending beyond her view was her Amity life, except that unlike the Sun, her Amity life would not rise again the next day.

Mia watched as the sky darkened into the familiar midnight blue. The Moon provided an ominous glow, reflecting upon Mia’s dark hair that she had loosened from her plaits, so it tumbled over her shoulders. Mia always found that she could think better at night, though tonight was not the case.

She was correct. She _was_ Dauntless. But she was also Erudite. And Amity.

How could she choose either Erudite or Dauntless and leave her family behind?

_Faction before blood._

Mia’s parents weren’t on the best of terms, and _someone_ had to take care of Trevor.

_Faction before blood._

Amity led a simple life. Was she willing to trade it for one of danger?

_Yes._

A feeling of discomfort washed over Mia, the familiar signal that she was not alone. Trevor came and sat next to her silently, crossing his legs. 

Just as he always did, she knew how he felt.

Every time she made the decision of choosing Dauntless, her mind wandered back to Trevor. The thought of never seeing him again was too much to bear.

“You got Dauntless, didn’t you?”

She nodded.

“I’m never going to see you again, aren’t I?” Trevor said solemnly.

Mia hung her head.

“No.”

Trevor’s lips quivered as he held back tears. “B-but, there’s always a chance, isn’t there?”

Mia could show Amity kindness without a problem, but she refused to ever give false hope. Her sincere and pitying expression made Trevor burst into tears. Holding them back herself, Mia wrapped her younger brother in a hug, squeezing her stinging eyes shut.

_But, what if I could see him again?_

_What if… we both ended up in Dauntless?_

Mia’s eyes opened at the idea.

Trevor was very similar to Mia, in that they both couldn’t sit still. Although he didn’t sneak into the woods and throw knives, or climb the massive oak trees for fun, Trevor was definitely adventurous and bold. He never turned down a dare; Mia didn’t know if it was bravery or foolishness.

Nevertheless, it was possible. When he turned sixteen, he could transfer, and they’d both be together. Just without their parents…

“Trevor…” Mia started, “there is one way.”

The boy’s head jerked from his hands, and he stared at her with wide, hopeful eyes.

“What? What is it?”

“You can see me again at Visiting Day, of course, but… you can transfer to Dauntless as well.”

Surprise was evident in his tone when he said, “You mean… _be_ Dauntless?”

“Well yeah, if that’s where you belong.”

“But, that means Mum and Dad would be all alone…”

Guilt churned in her stomach, as if someone were stirring her digested soup.

“Yes, but… faction before blood. Right?”

“I guess,” Trevor said gloomily before standing up. “This is all so stupid.”

“What is?”

“The factions. Why can’t everyone just live together, without fighting?”

Mia smiled. “That’s very Amity of you.”

As the tears in his eyes dried out, he sniffed and stuck out his tongue.

“Whatever,” he said. “See you tomorrow.”

It dawned on Mia that that was the last time he could say that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mia had never been to a Choosing Ceremony before- she never had a reason to. The room that dozens of kids, parents and citizens piled into was extremely tall to accommodate everyone on staggered rows of seats, which curved around the room and faced a central stage. At the back of the stage were five bowls containing different substances that in some way were symbolic. One for each faction.

As Mia walked in with her family- Mother and Father walking side by side yet avoiding contact, and Trevor squeezing her hand- she glanced away from the bowls.

_Best not to get ahead of yourself. You’ll have plenty of time to stress about it soon._

Holly had laid out Mia’s best dress on her bed, made from the finest, orange silk. It came down to the middle of her shins and fitted her waist, hanging loose at the top with a boat neckline. Over the top, Mia wore a short honeycomb-yellow cardigan, that didn’t reach past her waist.

Clothing was one of the things Mia wouldn’t miss from Amity. Looking at most of the Dauntless teenagers now, they all wore black trousers and jackets. Actual practical clothing, rather than the long dresses with hems that Mia had to pick up when she ran.

The teenagers that were choosing were meant to sit on one side of the room, meaning it was time to say goodbye. Amongst the bustle of families crying and wishing their children luck, Mia spotted a space and moved to the side, gesturing her family to follow.

Mia didn’t need to speak.

_So, this is it._

Probably for the sake of a happy farewell, Zachary put his arm around his wife. 

“Amelia,” he said, “whatever you choose, know that we love you.”

_They know. Of course they know._

Tears began to well in Mia’s eyes.

“I love you too.”

Her father embraced her first, followed by her mother. Mia felt a particular warmth in knowing that they weren’t completely oblivious to what she was going to choose.

“Take care of Trevor,” Mia whispered as she hugged her mother. “He needs you. Both of you.”

Holly nodded and cupped Mia’s cheek, droplets rolling down her cheek.

“We will. Take care of yourself, please.”

Mia smiled and turned her attention to her younger brother, who was already crying. He lunged forward and hugged her waist, holding tightly and refusing to let go, as if she were about to fall off a cliff.

“Please don’t leave,” he cried.

“Trevor,” Mia consoled. She crouched down so her eyes met his. “Remember our deal?”

Trevor sniffed and nodded.

“If you get Dauntless, you can see me again, okay?” Mia saw his face of despair. “Hey, I’m strong because of you. If you cry then I will cry.”

Mia wrapped him in her arms.

“Be brave, Trevor.”

Letting him go was like letting a part of herself go. Her mother held out her hand and Trevor went submissively, taking their seat in the Amity stands, leaving Mia alone on the floor.

She pushed past the crowd to where she was supposed to sit. Most of the teenagers were there by now, sitting in reverse alphabetical order of last name.

_Great. I’m somewhere at the end._

Mia found her seat sitting second to last at the back row, her name printed on the back. _Amelia Ashworth._ How long was it before the meaning of her name was erased, and a new Amelia Ashworth was born?

She sat next to a girl from Erudite- _Jessica Abbott_ \- who looked as if she hadn’t gotten any sleep, though Mia didn’t blame her. The girl fidgeted nervously, and Mia noticed that she kept glancing at her when she thought Mia wasn’t looking.

“I like your dress,” Jessica said suddenly.

If it weren’t for her extreme nerves, her voice would have sounded sweet. The girl’s eyes were wide and stained with red, presumably from crying.

“Thanks,” Mia said, though she said it cautiously. It was strange for an Erudite to give a compliment on the first meeting rather than herself, yet she reminded herself that she wasn’t entirely Amity anyway.

“I also like your hair. Do they teach you to do it like that in Amity?”

Mia had her hair in two dutch braids that ended at the base of her neck, turning into pigtails, her long, black hair tumbling down her back. Her mother had taught her how to do hair, first in simple styles, then in more elaborate ways.

“Yeah.” Mia narrowed her eyes slightly at the girl, wondering why she wanted to know.

“Wow.”

She stared at Mia’s hair for a bit, then returned to her own frame of mind.

_Looks like Amity’s got at least one transfer._

By the end of their strange conversation, the room was basically full and Marcus, the leader of Abnegation who stood in the middle of the stage, gestured to the audience to quiet down.

He began his speech, but Mia didn’t want to listen. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t heard before- the reasoning behind the factions, the importance of their decision, etc.- and besides, she wanted to do what she did best: watch.

Looking around at the other teenagers, she spotted a few she recognised from class. An Abnegation boy that sat with her at the back of science class, a Candor girl whose conversation Mia could always hear despite the fact that she was seated on the other side of the classroom, and a Dauntless girl whom Mia remembered because she had bright, purple hair.

Then, her eyes fell on a familiar boy, identifiable by the golden hair on his head. Edward was two rows in front of her, close to the front. Mia couldn’t see his expression from where she sat, but she expected he was also nervous. He hid his dauntlessness well, especially from his parents, and it occurred to her that only to Mia will his transfer not be a surprise. Her, and Myra of course. Mia suspected that Edward convinced Myra to transfer with him- he was very persuasive, and he liked Myra a lot.

Marcus’ voice as he read the first name snatched Mia’s attention.

“Danielle Yates.”

The Amity girl who looked terrified before the aptitude test. She walked onto the stage and took a knife from Marcus, holding it awkwardly against her chest. Her head turned as she looked at each of the bowls before moving towards the Amity bowl. Danielle sliced her palm with the knife, making an audible wince while the blood dripped into the bowl. The audience clapped politely, and the next person was called up.

Unlike most of the teenagers, Mia didn’t lose interest. She watched each individual make their choice, in order to avoid the inevitability of her own choice. A boy named James was the first to transfer- from Dauntless to Erudite. The negative reaction from the audience sent a chill down Mia’s spine. If they were to react like that each time someone transferred, it would surely reduce her confidence to nil.

Mia clasped her hands together in her lap, watching the others that transferred to Dauntless. A Candor boy, a Candor girl, an Erudite boy, two more Candor boys…

Then Edward’s name was read out. Mia had been watching yet half-listening, but at the sound of his name, her ears practically perked up.

His blonde hair was combed to the side, and he wore smart trousers with a deep blue formal jacket. He walked confidently on stage, no obvious sign that he was nervous, other than the glance he gave towards the Erudite bowl before stepping towards the Dauntless bowl.

The murmurs from the crowd were drowned out by the Dauntless applause. Clenching his bloody hand, Edward was swallowed by the Dauntless members congratulating him and guiding him towards their section of the room.

The ceremony continued. Myra chose Dauntless as well. The only other memorable thing that happened was the transfer of two siblings from Abnegation- the boy to Erudite, the girl to Dauntless.

That won’t be good for Abnegation, Mia thought.

After a few more people, Mia heard her name.

“Amelia Ashworth,” Marcus called.

Cursing under her breath, Mia stood up. The girl from Erudite, Jessica, whispered good luck as Mia walked from the rows of empty chairs to the stage. 

The only way to describe what Mia went through was an out-of-body experience. Mia saw a stocky girl in orange drapes approach five bowls, holding a blade situated in her hand, like it belonged there. Mia felt the girl’s mind flood with dread, threatening to make her head fall completely off.

The girl paid no attention to the Candor and Abnegation bowls, glanced painfully away from the Amity bow, and instead peered into the Erudite bowl.

Mia saw her distorted reflection in the glass. It put her off.

She was tired of seeing herself distorted, her personality disfigured, being told to be what she was not.

The girl stepped back and jerked the knife across her palm, bright red blood flowing from the cut. The pain suddenly pulled Mia back into her body. Now, she knew what to do. 

Her footsteps that lead her towards the coals were silent as ever.

The coals were red hot. Touching them would cause pain. You’d pull back your hand instantly. It would wake you up, bring out the truth even. Bring out yourself.

Never once had Mia shook with nerves, but now, as her clenched fist hovered over the Dauntless bowl, waiting for a single drop of blood to fall, she trembled.

_Ssssss._

The sizzling of her blood in the bowl caused Dauntless to erupt with applause, her ears choosing to only hear the exclamations of cheer over the shocked gasps.

Her legs took her over to her new faction without her control. She stole one quick look back at her old faction, hoping to take with her some kindness and happiness into her new life. Mia hadn’t realised she was breathing heavily until she sat down and heard only her breath in her ears. She was Dauntless now.

In the distance, she heard the Erudite girl’s name called. Jessica Abbott. Mia watched her make a move towards Amity, but let her blood fall on the glass. Wrong move. Now she would be unhappy for the rest of her life.

Marcus began his concluding speech, but for once, Mia wasn’t listening nor was she watching. She was smiling.

In spite of her Divergence, Mia knew she would finally fit in. Here, in Dauntless, she would be happy.


	5. Dauntless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia gets a taste of Dauntless life, but being the only Amity transfer, can she handle it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thanks so much for the Kudos. I know it's been a little while, I apologise. I've been a bit busy haha.  
> Enjoy this chapter! I'm a bit hesitant because I'm so indecisive with plot points, but I'll try my best to keep up the continuity.
> 
> Make sure to leave a comment and subscribe for update emails!

The first thing Mia did when the ceremony was over was run. 

Dauntless exited the hall first, heading for the stairs instead of the elevators from which Mia came. It took a lot of concentration to run down the massive stairwell among what could be compared to a thundering herd of wildebeest without breaking her ankles. Being shorter than most of the daredevils running beside her, Mia could’ve easily gotten lost in the crowd, or worse, trampled to death. 

But Mia wasn’t going to let that happen. Now, she was Dauntless as much as the Dauntless borns were.

The Dauntless leaped onto the ground from the third-last step, each of them accelerating out the main door. Mia followed suit, landing smoothly on her feet despite her incompetent footwear, and taking off out of the building.

She had walked into this place, and now she was running out. It was like she was seeing the city from a whole new perspective; one full of excitement and danger, rather than happiness and peace. 

Mia and her new faction sprinted across the road and halted before the train tracks. The Dauntless were hardly breathing; like Mia, they’d done this a million times. Most of the transfers were bent over trying to regain their breath, some were making strange noises. They’d probably never run like that before in their life.

_Better get used to it._

Luckily for her, Mia had. The sharp, painful ache in the lungs after running her heart out was as natural to her as flying is to a bird. She was probably the only one out of the transfers that was actually looking forward to more running, though she supposed that if they had chosen Dauntless, they should have expected it to be on the agenda. Mia took the time to take a look at the other transfers. A lot of Candor and Erudite, a few Amity, and one Abnegation girl, which struck Mia as odd now that she was thinking about it with a clearer mind than back at the Choosing Ceremony. What drives a girl from Abnegation, the selfless faction, to transfer to Dauntless, the crazy, dangerous faction? Then again, one could say the same about Mia being in Amity.

It even made Mia wonder if maybe the girl was like her, being that they both transferred to Dauntless from complete opposite factions. Maybe she was Divergent too…

The blast of the train’s horn dissipated Mia’s thoughts entirely. She would worry about others later- besides, the girl might not even make it to Dauntless headquarters.

The train sped towards the mass of Dauntless members and initiates at a considerable speed. As it neared, people began running alongside the tracks. Exclamations from the transfers were along the lines of: “This is crazy!” or “We’re meant to hop on that thing?”

Mia smiled to herself.

_I guess this is just the Dauntless way. I love it._

She took off, catching up to the Dauntless. The train zoomed past, blowing her thick braids behind her. A Dauntless girl opened a door to a train compartment up ahead, letting others jump into the train with ease. When Mia reached the opening, her legs becoming heavy, she reached out for the side of the door. Mia pulled her body up, swinging her outside leg onto the platform. She immediately collapsed and leant against the train wall, letting her breath and tired legs recover.

_Wow._

Mia let out a long huff. She hadn’t experienced something that exhilarating since she climbed a tall oak tree and nearly fell, grabbing onto a sturdy branch just as she slipped.

_There’s more to come, Mia. Don’t worry._

The prickly feeling on her neck was a good enough reason not to look around at the others on the train- they were all for sure staring at her. A girl from Amity was not your everyday faction transfer, but neither was Abnegation. Mia looked down the train to see the Abnegation girl sitting and talking to a Candor girl. She was receiving the same stares that Mia was getting. Ones that said, “She won’t last,” and, “Well, this will be interesting.”

Mia couldn’t wait to prove herself. To finally show everyone what she was capable of. She could finally leave Amelia Ashworth from Amity behind.

The next few minutes were dedicated to soaking in the freedom, the newfound energy that her choice had brought. After that, Mia returned to what she did best.

There were considerably less transfers on the train now than there were before. Some of them mustn’t have been able to catch up. They would be factionless now. Without a home, without a family.

One Candor boy, down at the end of the train where the Abnegation girl sat, seemed to be looking down on the rest. He leaned against the train wall with his arms folded, his eyes following anyone without a Dauntless uniform that walked past. Mia could practically read his mind.

_“This is it? This is what I’m up against? Pathetic.”_

To be fair, he was significantly taller compared to most of the transfers, and although his uniform disguised it, Mia suspected he was in great shape. If it weren’t for the smug look plastered on his face, she would say he was good-looking. Objectively. Not that she worried about those things often…

Thinking about boys turned Mia’s attention to the front of the train, where she spotted Edward and Myra. While everyone else, including Mia, was anxious and nervous, they chatted and laughed and poked fun at each other. Mia couldn’t help but feel happy for them. If their company could supersede the feelings of anxiety of what’s to come, then they obviously belonged together.

A sudden commotion, beginning at Edward’s part of the train, caused uneasiness among the transfers. Dauntless members began gathering at the open doors to the compartments on the right side of the train. Mia caught several whispers, questioning what was happening, followed by retorts of ‘I don’t know!’.

Mia jumped to her feet and, holding onto the door, looked out at the front of the train. The shocking sight sent a spark of adrenaline through her veins. Dauntless members were leaping out of their compartments, onto the adjacent rooftops of brick buildings, yelling and whooping as they did so. The mouths of the transfers collectively hung open for a few seconds before a Dauntless member yelled at them to wake up. Mia gathered her senses. What else did she think was going to happen? They all get off at the train station like normal, sane people?

Mia backed away from the door to get a good acceleration, a few other transfers following her lead. She took a breath in.

_Three… two… one…_

Her legs propelled her forward with momentum. She reached the opening and felt the wind hit her body as she leaped as far as she could. 

For the few seconds she was in the air, she was weightless. Her stomach had sunk, making her momentarily afraid that she’d drop like a stone, yet she travelled through the air smoothly.

The gravel rooftop became closer and closer until…

_Fuck!_

The rough gravel struck her shoulder as she instinctively rolled onto the rooftop, saving any of her bones from breaking but not preventing the hard-hitting pain. She groaned as she sat up and brushed herself off.

_Hopefully I’ll never have to do that again._

Looking back at the ledge, Mia noticed that she had cleared the jump by a long way. Around two metres or so.

That was when she was startled by a small cry coming from the ledge. Springing into action, she ran over to see a Dauntless boy hanging by his fingertips on a pipe, just below the roof’s edge. 

“Help!”

His strangled yelp struck Mia with panic. She leaned over and thrust out her hand, making sure she was balanced enough not to plummet to her death. 

“Grab on!”

The boy seized it with one hand. His legs were dangling in the air dangerously, enhancing Mia’s urgency. She grunted as she used both her hands to pull him over the ledge, finding a strength within she didn’t know she had. The boy scrambled to his feet, glanced at her orange attire, and mumbled ‘thanks’ before joining his friends, like nothing had happened.

Mia huffed in annoyance. What did she expect? This wasn’t the faction for appreciating selflessness. 

Again, looking around, there was an even lesser number of transfers than on the train. There was no Amity anymore. Just Mia. The Abnegation girl had made it, along with the Candor girl she was talking to. The smug Candor boy was parading around, while Edward was nursing Myra who seemed to have grazed her elbow.

In her uniform, Mia was still an outsider. She felt she was still watching the world through a one-way mirror.

Mia ignored a girl at the edge of the roof, wailing at the sight below. She already knew what had happened. Although she could have easily broken down and cried, she forced herself to turn away. Some people just weren’t cut out for this, and that’s how it was. That’s how it had to be.

“Alright, listen up!” A deep, rough voice boomed over the rooftop.

Everyone turned their heads towards the source of the order. A group of Dauntless members were congregated at the edge of the building, one guy walking along the ledge with unmatched ease. Upon closer examination, the Dauntless guy, who seemed to be the leader, regarded the initiates with superiority. His gaze swept the crowd lazily, not landing on anyone in particular.

He was rounding us up, like sheep.

“My name is Eric, and I am one of your leaders. Here-” he gestured to the ledge, “-is the entrance to the Dauntless compound. If you can’t find the will to jump, then you don’t belong here.”

He said it so matter-of-factly that it startled Mia a little. There was a sort of humour in his eyes, as if he took pleasure in frightening them to the core. Then again, after a few years in Dauntless, Mia would probably feel the same way.

“Initiates, you’re up first.”

Maybe Mia would’ve volunteered to go first if she hadn’t been so busy staring. Eric couldn’t have been a few years older than herself. He had so many piercings, and his stare was so cold that even though he wasn’t looking at her individually, she shivered. He was what Mia assumed a typical Dauntless would look like: piercings, tattoos, really strong biceps…

A movement snapped Mia out of her reverie. The Abnegation girl had walked through the crowd towards the edge, her fists clenched. Mia raised her eyebrows. She watched the girl breathe in deeply, gathering courage before taking off her overcoat. The Candor boy from the train remarked something Mia couldn’t hear, to which the girl heaved her coat at him.

Then she was over the edge. Tension held in the air as some Dauntless members peered over the edge for a few seconds, then looked back at the crowd.

“Next!” Eric yelled.

Did she make it? Did she fall to her death? There was no knowing, there were no signs. As far as Mia knew, the girl could have hit the concrete and the Dauntless didn’t care. Almost immediately though, the Candor girl whom the Abnegation girl was talking to stepped forward. She was still shaking when she disappeared off the rooftop.

“Next!”

This time, nobody moved. 

No one actually looked at Mia to urge her on. She was still invisible. No one had even talked to her the whole time she was here. They probably still held the notion that she wouldn’t make it any further.

_Fuck them._

Before she knew it, Mia was pushing two Erudite initiates out of her way and putting one foot in front of the other. She ignored the murmurs from the crowd, the condescending glances from the Dauntless members and the slappable smirk on Eric’s face. She expected to get a comment from the Candor boy like the girl before, but he simply stayed quiet. He was watching.

Once again, she knew what everyone was thinking.

_Doesn’t matter. She won’t last._

Mia didn’t waste time standing on the ledge, knowing that it would only make her second guess herself. The gaping hole in the concrete below resembled a black hole, sucking in everything within its proximity with relentless greed. The height unsettled Mia’s stomach, but she would not throw up. She would not be put through that humiliation. Mia braced herself.

She forced herself to smile, and then she jumped.

 


	6. Initiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia meets some of the other initiates, though some aren't as welcoming as others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! It's been a while. I've been struggling with writer's block so I kept this chapter short to avoid publishing anything crap.
> 
> Sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy :)

She was so light. 

The grey sky enveloped her vision as she fell, with no idea if she was going to hit the concrete or the body of safety in the compound.

She was a small, insignificant piece in the world, but in that moment, she felt like everything.

Her mind had never been so focused on one thing.

_I’m falling._

In this state of danger, facing the prospect of death, she had never felt more alive.

She had crawled out of Amity, now she was falling into Dauntless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had felt like an eternity before her body sank in the net and flung her upwards.

“Shit!” She exclaimed, scrambling to hold on to the net so she didn’t bounce up again.

She heard a couple of people chuckle. Mia laid in the middle of the net, breathing rapidly. The falling sensation echoed in her stomach, which ached from feeling like a bottomless pit. 

After letting out a pathetic laugh, Mia finally rolled off the net and landed on the floor, her head dizzy.

“You okay?” A blurry figure standing in front of her asked.

Mia’s vision cleared to see an amused older boy in a leather jacket and black attire, waiting for an answer. She supposed she looked greatly dishevelled, with the intense fall causing wisps of her hair to stand on end.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Mia said.

“Name?”

She paused awkwardly, her fried brain trying to catch up with conversation. 

“Mia,” she said finally.

“Third jumper: Mia!” The boy called out.

A cheer erupted from Dauntless onlookers. Mia smiled shyly and headed over to join the other two girls.

“Welcome to Dauntless, Mia,” said the Candor girl. “I’m Christina.”

She held out her hand, and Mia took it. There was a silence where Mia expected the Abnegation girl to introduce herself, but she just smiled.

“...and this is Tris.” Christina rolled her eyes fondly.

“Hi,” Mia greeted. “You’re really brave for jumping first, you know.”

“Thanks,” Tris said, “but that’s what this is all about. If you were really Dauntless, it wouldn’t have mattered.”

Mia smiled. “That’s right. I guess some of us aren’t truly Dauntless just yet.”

At that point, a scream from the hole in the roof crescendoed until an Erudite boy landed in the net.

The girls laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mia found herself being stared at again.

It felt so alien to be the centre of attention, and she was sure that Tris felt the same way.

The rest of the transfers had fallen down the hole screaming, some threw up afterwards. It made Mia feel a lot better about herself, knowing that her reaction was mild compared to everyone else.

The boy that came down after Mia was called Will. He stood with the three girls, chatting politely, but Mia tuned out during the first part of the conversation because someone else had come down the hole.

Edward had jumped next. He climbed out of the net looking extremely pale and his hair in shambles, but he managed to smile nevertheless.

Mia suddenly wanted to look away. To hide. To run away. She hadn’t had a proper conversation with Edward in what felt like forever. And right now, as he flattened his golden hair on his head, it brought back painful memories: Him combing his fingers through his hair nervously as he told Mia that they couldn’t talk anymore, his girlfriend combing her fingers through his hair as they kissed in the hallway, Mia glancing away immediately before she imagined herself combing her fingers-

_Oh shit he’s coming this way._

“Hey, Mia,” he greeted kindly.

_Fuck._

Mia felt frozen.

“Hi,” she replied stiffly.

“Pretty crazy, huh?” He laughed.

A fake smile came across her face. “Yeah.”

Edward looked down awkwardly. Mia glanced around. They both inhaled deeply and let out a long sigh.

A high-pitched scream broke the tension, as if a higher power couldn’t stand the awkwardness between the two. Myra flailed her arms as her momentum sent her flying upwards. Edward hastily approached the edge of the net. She felt relieved and disappointed at the same time.

A bunch of other initiates came through next. The smug Candor boy went third-to-last. As he rolled off the net, Mia could tell he tried his best to force down the sickness he felt down his throat. Like Edward, he was as white as a sheet, but he proceeded to strut away from the net, as if jumping third-to-last was an honourable achievement.

His name was Peter.

_Arrogant dick._

He stood like a peacock among the initiates, feeling entitled to make snide comments.

“No wonder Erudite didn’t want you, you’re as smart as you are attractive.”

“Might wanna put on some weight while you’re here, not that you’d be staying long. You look like a twig that I could snap with my two fingers.”

“I might feel bad for beating the shit out of you later, but then again, I might be doing you a favour.”

Then he approached Mia. He looked her up and down, taking in her orange clothes and looking no further.

“Amity, huh,” He said monotonically. “You don’t look like you’ll last two minutes in here.”

Mia blinked slowly. “I’ve come this far.”

“A fluke, maybe.” He smirked. “But just you wait. You’ll be factionless in no time.”

At that, he must have felt satisfied because he turned away to lower someone else’s self esteem.

_How is Dauntless so far you ask? Super nice people. Yeah, really great. Lovely personalities, made me feel really welcome. Would seriously recommend._

Mia didn’t care. He knew nothing about her. No one, except Edward, did. Peter’s tactic was intimidation- if everyone had no confidence, they could easily be broken.

Didn’t sound like a bad plan, actually. Though Mia was relying on beating everyone with skills, not manipulation. She didn’t think she could handle acting so rude so often.

Mia just hoped kindness wouldn’t be her downfall.


	7. The First Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia experiences Dauntless for the first time, and it doesn't go as well as she'd hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, long time no see. If I'm being honest, I've been in a major slump, and even considered abandoning this altogether. But seeing the emails about people leaving kudos have really inspired me to get back to it, and with my new laptop, it'll hopefully make me more efficient :)
> 
> So I thank each and every one of you for your kind comments and kudos, and I hope you enjoy this longer chapter :))))

Mia never thought it would be hard letting go of her Amity life. She knew that she was destined for bigger things, yet watching her yellow frock crumple under the heat of the flames felt like a punch in the chest. As the cotton disintegrated, she said a silent goodbye.

The Dauntless leader for the transfers, named Four, ushered the initiates onwards. No time for grievances, obviously.

They were lead down a number of hallways. Following Four directly from behind, Mia felt like the twists and turns would never end, until they reached the balcony of a massive area- an open ceiling covered a wide cavern with thick marble-like walls, long, winding staircases scaling them. Mia couldn’t help but gape at the expanse of it all. Her eyes cast downwards to the group of Dauntless on the floor of the cavern encouraging two of their members as they circled each other and occasionally took a swing.

Four explained that the cavern was Dauntless’ common area- the ‘Pit’.

Mia contained a smile. _Of course it’s called the Pit._

As they moved on, Mia caught a glance at some of the other initiates; some had panicked, overwhelmed expressions, others sported wide grins. Although it didn’t seem it at first, some of the ones that smiled at the utter ridiculousness and dangerousness Dauntless seemed to offer would not last long in the process of initiation, Mia could tell. They would be the first ones to crack. Their confidence would be infected with arrogance and they would fail when they needed to succeed the most. That’s not to say the nervous ones would prevail either, too much jitter is not good for anyone and is usually the cause of one’s cowardice. The best state to be in was cautious. Have the nerves deliver the adrenaline needed to prepare, concentrate and execute, with enough confidence to lift the burden of second-guessing and self doubt. Mental preparation was key.

Mia could reassure herself all she wanted, that she needed to be in the right state of mind if she wanted to be the best, but it didn’t help the fact that she was just excited to be where she was meant to be.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Four introduced the group to more of the compound. The place that stood out to Mia, however, was the Chasm, because she had to take a mental note to keep away from it. She could imagine almost any one of the initiates picking her up and tossing her over the edge like she was nothing. Especially Four.

Mia stopped for a second. She had to remind herself that no one here was the enemy. They were just like her (well sort of) and she hadn’t done anything to piss them off. Yet.

At dinner, Mia sat at the end of a long table. Most of the transfers sat together, seeing as they didn’t know anyone else anyway. It felt, unfortunately, all too like the cafeteria. Even though she was sitting there surrounded by others, she felt as if she was alone. Mia ignored the familiar feeling, desperate to start anew, and listened in on a conversation a few boys were having right next to her.

“I guess I could’ve stayed in Candor, because I’m not afraid to say what I’m thinking, but everyone there is such a snitch,” one boy with high cheekbones and slick blonde hair said. “I couldn’t tell anyone any secrets because they would just mouth it off to the next person that they saw.”

“Same man,” confessed a darker boy with a shaved head. “I swear I couldn’t _wait_ to escape Erudite. All that math ‘n shit. Drove me nuts.”

Mia thought about telling _her_ story, sharing _her_ reasons why she felt like a deranged lunatic in Amity. But she didn’t. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself. All those years feeling invisible had gotten her comfortable with it, but now when she had the opportunity to change, it frightened her.

_How is it that I can scale a tree no problem, but engaging in conversation is scary for me?_

“How ‘bout you Amity?” The boy from Erudite asked her. “What made you transfer?”

Mia was startled, but also relieved. She now had a prompt for conversation, she wasn’t going to miss it.

“Probably because they’re all pansies,” drawled Peter who sat next to the dark Erudite boy.

His eyes rolled lazily over to her, to which she glared. Choosing to ignore him, she looked at the boy who had asked her in the first place and opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by stillness that befell the hall. Everyone’s heads turned to the person that walked through the double doors.

It took Mia a few seconds to recognise him. He was tall and muscular, with pale skin and short, light brown hair, shaved at the sides. From a distance, Mia could see the piercings above his eyebrow and in his ears, as well as a tattoo that ran from the base of his neck to under his jaw, and another on his right forearm. Dressed in all black, he exhibited a demeanour of coldness and intimidation. 

The sight of Eric and the control he had over the room made Mia’s shoulders cave, as if shrinking back into invisibility. When the chatter started back up again, the boys had completely forgotten that Mia existed at all.

She cursed Eric for ruining her chance. Looking at him now, standing at the other end of her table talking to Four with his arms folded, he seemed immoveable, untouchable even. Like he would win if he fought a brick wall.

In saying that, the conversation Eric and Four were having seemed tense. It didn’t take a genius to tell that they obviously didn’t like each other, although, Mia suspected she was one of the few, if not the only one, who could tell for certain that they were enemies, possibly due to constant competition between each other growing up. There’s nothing stronger than a growing hatred stemmed from one being better than the other. And Mia could tell who was better. Although Four’s posture seemed tense as he hunched over his meal, Eric’s jaw was incredibly stiff, as if he could pop it out if he clenched it any more. The muscles in his arms became more prominent the longer they talked. Finally, Eric said something as he turned his head, smirked, and walked down the opposite length of the table to Mia.

He looked, for lack of a better word, pissed.

Sometimes it astonished Mia just how much she could read people, sometimes it frightened her, but as Eric rigidly passed her and caught her eye, Mia couldn’t gather anything. Nothing. For the split second of eye contact, it was like looking into a corpse. His gray eyes portrayed nothing but the blankness of a stare.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Rankings?_

The word echoed over and over in her mind. Then:

_It’s a competition._

While the rest of the transfers spluttered and asked a million questions, Mia stood in silence. Somewhere, deep down, she knew something like this was going to happen. Transferring to Dauntless was never going to be easy, but the thought that they’d made it into a competition was dangerous- no, reckless. Mia knew half of these people would turn against her once they thought she was a threat.

She wasn’t scared of being cut- hell, from what she’d seen of the other transfers, she had a pretty good chance of making the final cut, although living factionless did seem like a nightmare. She was scared, however, of the others. Not of how they would perform, but of what they would think of her. All Mia had ever wanted was to be in Dauntless, where she could make friends and be herself, but now this ranking bullshit meant making friends was a risk. One minute you were laughing at something funny that the other person said, and the next they’re living on the streets, begging you for a scrap of food.

Mia swore under her breath. The transfers’ cries of protest were cut off by Eric’s booming voice. He didn’t care whether we passed or failed. That was up to us.

The only person to care about Mia now was herself. She came here looking for a place to feel like she belonged, and she was damn sure she was going to get it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Fuck me,_ Mia thought as she laid in bed.

With the skill of being unnoticed, Mia had avoided the scramble for the nearby beds and slipped towards the back wall where a free bunk bed sat patiently. However, as she slipped off her jacket and tossed it onto the mattress, a large presence had loomed behind her and eventually sidled up at her side, his arm lifting to lean against the railing of the top bunk with his eyes peering condescendingly upon her.

“I think I’ll take this one,” Peter said, gesturing to the higher bed.

A boy, who’d been tailing him as he had headed towards her, threw his hands up in exasperation.

“Don’t worry, Drew,” Peter reassured without moving his gaze from Mia, “This one’ll free up soon enough.”

Mia had remained absolutely still, containing her annoyance, except for when she subtly set her jaw. Peter chuckled obnoxiously and climbed the ladder, making a big deal of plonking down hard on the bunk, the metal frame squeaking under the pressure. Mia huffed.

Edward had gotten himself a bunk with Myra, of course. They slept across the room. Mia averted her eyes as they kissed each other goodnight.

“G’night Amity,” Peter cooed. “Remember, the monsters under your bed aren’t real.”

So now she was bunkmates with the transfer that she had already labelled ‘Most Likely to Throw Her Into the Chasm’.

The blankets provided as much comfort as did the poorly stifled sobs from her fellow transfers that echoed throughout the room. Mia could hear Peter’s heavy breathing as he slept- she guessed that he was the only one sleeping like a baby tonight. 

All in one day, her life had changed. Today, Amelia Ashworth from Amity had died, and Mia from Dauntless was born.

Mia could’ve easily taken this one night to shed some tears, on behalf of her family. Taken this one opportunity to be vulnerable, in the darkness, where no one would blame you.

She didn’t. The only times she had ever cried in her life were when Trevor was upset- whether he had hurt himself being silly, or whether their mother and father were fighting. She had only cried with him. He was the only one who would see her vulnerable.

So she kept it together. After all, she would be seeing Trevor in a couple of years. Hopefully.

Mia rolled onto her side, blocking out the sniffs and whines. She closed her eyes and found herself being haunted- not by Peter’s unsettling advance, nor the sobs in the room, nor the massive decision she had made that day. No. It was those dull, gray eyes. _Those_ would haunt her dreams.


	8. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia has a rocky start with preparation training and is reminded of her past constantly throughout the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This one is a bit of a filler, the next one won't be long and it'll be more exciting as well ;)  
> I love hearing your thoughts on the story, it really warms my heart :)))
> 
> Don't forget to subscribe to receive notifications for when I update!
> 
> Sorry for the wait :/

Mia had learnt how to throw knives, practise martial arts, scale trees and run the fields of Amity until her legs wouldn’t move another inch, but she had never fired a gun. And she was terrible.

The semi-automatic felt bulky against her shoulder, as if it just didn’t fit right. Peter on her left, although he had acted like an idiot at the beginning of the session, was annihilating his target, wood spraying at each impact of the bullet. He would occasionally look over and see Mia’s spotless target and cough loudly. 

Mia wanted to cry. She wanted to prove herself so bad, and the first exercise they did, she was hopeless at. Her body would jerk at each shot- she could barely hold the gun still enough to acquire a decent aim. Frustration consumed her and she yelled out at the next shot that dropped beneath the dummy.

Four approached her from behind.

“Here,” he said, taking the gun. “Hold it like this.”

He showed her the adjustments and Mia nodded, brushing her flyaway hair from her eyes. She watched how Four planted his feet, one in front of the other, knees slightly bent. He tightened his shoulders as he pulled the trigger, the bullet piercing through the centre of the dummy’s  chest.

“Keep yourself tight so the impact of the gun doesn’t push you off balance,” Four said, his quiet voice nearly drowned out by the gunshots that rang out around.

Mia nodded again and took the gun from Four, standing exactly how he did and making sure to adjust her hands. She looked down the barrel of the gun, closing one eye and exhaling slowly. Tensing her shoulder, she pulled the trigger.

The gun bounced back and pushed against her shoulder, though this time she kept herself steady.

She had hit the dummy, finally; it cut through the right shoulder. Mia smiled and felt instantly energised. She turned to thank Four, but he had already moved along.

“About time, Amity,” Peter called to Mia’s irritation. “Only took the whole session.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The dismal events of the morning hung like a rain cloud over her head. Peter had been right. It had taken the whole session for her to hit the target even once. Even Tris, the abnegation girl, had been a better shot than her. It had sunk her confidence, and now she was a miserable wreck at the lunch table, picking at the ham on her sandwich.

_ I still have heaps more training _ , she told herself.  _ No one is going to be amazing on the first try. Still… I prefer knives over guns. _

Mia massaged her right shoulder, sore from the recoil of the gun.

“Hurting already, Amity?” Peter said from beside her, through a mouthful of food.

“Shut up.”

The boys across the table smirked but stopped immediately when Peter glared in their direction. Mia looked up but instead of catching their eyes, she spotted the table behind them where Edward and Myra was sitting, Myra practically on top of him. They engaged in a long kiss and Mia quickly looked away. Though her feelings for him were long gone, it still stung, every action like a pinprick to her heart, as if their relationship was an old scar that just won’t heal right. 

If there was no one else to befriend in her cohort, Edward would be first choice, yet even friendship would be risky- not just because of their history, but because of the competition.

The competition. It always came down to the competition. Training herself to isolate, to trust no one but herself.

_ I think I’m going to end up becoming a lunatic. Dauntless is training outright psychopaths.  _

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_ The skyline was a painter’s palette, colours mixing into new, nameless ones. Maybe she would have made names for them if she hadn’t been busy practising. _

_ She took a minute to shake out her hands, the pain in her knuckles becoming nearly unbearable. Then she was at it again- delivering mean punches to her makeshift boxing bag (the sandbag she had dragged out from an Amity shed and tied to a wooden post). One, two, three, four. One after the other, the next as damaging as the one before. A child beating the shit out of a bag of sand in the woods. _

_ The sun disappeared into the beyond, shrouding the forest in darkness. She massaged her scabbed knuckles against her calloused palm. It was time to go home. _

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The familiar pain brought back memories and it made her smile. It didn’t hurt anymore, it was rather a mere dull ache. Of course, the boxing bag was a whole lot denser than the sandbag, but recoiled at her punches all the same.

_ Finally, some fucking emotional release. _

Mia took a step back to rest, realising she was quite out of breath. Peter, who had unsurprisingly settled across from the boxing bag next to her, hadn’t taunted her all session, either because he was concentrating hard or he had seen her unload an angry array of fists upon her bag. It felt good to finally unleash her pent up emotion- she wondered how she’d cope the next day with actual fighting. 

Taking a deep breath, Mia transferred her weight and thrusted her right foot forward into the bag, heel first, sending the bag swinging back a considerable distance. She retracted her foot quickly to regain her balance and reached out her hand to let the bag come back smoothly.

“Good,” Four murmured from beside her, before moving on to the next person.

Mia smiled to herself. She realised Four probably commended her on being a quick-learner, rather than her years of training. Instinctively, she turned her attention to the other initiates. Edward was down the far end of her row, switching between boxing and adjusting Myra’s technique. Closer was Tris, hopelessly hitting her bag. Mia felt a pang of sympathy, and that grew as she saw the rest of the initiates’ poor fighting style. She was able observe their flaws immediately and knew exactly how to beat them.

Mia hated the prospect of having to beat these people up; it seemed traitorous having to fight her own people, even if they were technically competition. Edward would definitely be the top contender- he had the best technique, and he was stronger than her. Peter would also be hard to beat. From what she could see, he had strength and endurance.

However, Mia was quick, and observant. She was good at picking out the weaknesses in her opponent’s technique. That was how she beat Edward those few times in school, to which Edward always protested that she cheated.

Mia felt her stomach sink with the memory. It physically hurt to remember; all those joyous moments tainted with the situation of the present.

“You gonna hit that bag?” Peter called.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mia avoided Peter for the rest of the afternoon, half because she was afraid that she would beat him up before tomorrow, and half because she actually needed to go buy some decent clothes. With the credit she was allowed, she got a few decent t shirts and singlets, along with multiple pairs of pants and shorts, and one pair of sneakers. Everything was black in the store, so there wasn’t much variety. Still, it was strange actually going shopping. All her life, Mia’s mother had made her clothes. That was her job after all: a tailor, making the uniforms for the factions. The dark cotton shirt reminded Mia of her mother knitting in the living room, chastising her daughter when she came home late from wherever she had gone off to this time. She remembered how she was scolded and sent to bed without supper, ensuring not to wake Trevor as she tiptoed into the bedroom. It was a bittersweet memory, one that made Mia feel warm and tearful simultaneously. 

_ Man, can I get a break from nostalgia for one minute? _

Back in the dorms, Mia changed into the shirt and some black joggers, making sure no one was staring as she did so. There were only a couple of initiates in the dorms anyway: most of them were out getting tattoos or their hair altered in some way. Maybe she would do that, she just had to have someone to go with; she figured it’d be embarrassing doing something like that by herself. 

Mia headed on outside to the stone steps of the Pit, where a group of familiar transfers sat- Edward with Myra lying in his lap, Peter and his crew, and a few Candor and Erudite transfers that she hadn’t learned the names of. She made sure to sit on the opposite side of the ‘circle’ to Edward, picking up their conversation as she approached. As usual, no one noticed, except Edward. He always seemed to notice her, even when she didn’t want him to.

“I don’t think it used to be like this,” the dark Erudite boy- Mia had learned his name to be Jacob- claimed. “I’ve read the Dauntless manifesto. It’s changed.”

“It’s bullshit is what it is!” Drew, one of Peter’s cronies, exclaimed. “Like hell I’m going factionless.”

“They can shoot me on the spot if that happens,” said Molly, the other Peter disciple.

A murmur of agreement rippled throughout the group. Mia stayed silent.

“I’d just advise that everyone try their very best. If you’re meant to be here, you’ll be here,” Edward voiced, always the diplomatic.

Mia tried her best to ignore the smile exchanged between Edward and Myra as he leaned down to kiss her quickly on the forehead. 

Peter snorted, rather pretentiously, though Mia didn’t put it past him. “So basically what he’s saying is good luck on trying to beat him, you might as well fuck off right now.”

Small protests occurred from the group, some scolding Peter and some Edward. Either way, Mia couldn’t help but feel it resonate with her. No one was going to beat Edward. Not her, and not Peter, no matter how hard he wanted to. Mia could tell. His lack of taunts during combat training was the result of him trying to outdo the guy who’d been training years longer than him.

Perhaps Mia could leave Peter to it, in hopes he would injure himself in doing so. 

_ Play smart, not hard. _

Jacob shifted his position to face Mia. “What do you think Amity?”

No one asks for her opinion. No one had even noticed when she had sat down. And now everyone’s eyes were fixed on her, ready to listen to what she had to say. It was an odd feeling, and one she felt considerably uncomfortable with. 

_ Don’t fuck it up. Just… tell the truth. _

“I think it makes sense.”

The group stared, not expecting a simple,  _ resistant _ answer from the quiet kid.

“I think it’s ruthless and merciless, and the way things were were probably better, but I get it. I guess they need us to be fighters, not just soldiers.”

Was it the truth? She could hardly tell. There was always that flicker of doubt. And that was being divergent.

“Well then, I guess you won’t whinge when Eric throws you out onto the streets.”

Mia rolled her eyes at Peter, noticing Edward watching interestingly. Peter stared her down.

“Don’t deny it, Amity. I know you weren’t Candor, but be kind enough to not lie to yourself.”

Molly and Drew uttered sounds Mia could only describe as cackles.

“Harsh, Peter,” Jacob chastised.

He turned to Mia with a small sympathetic smile, concealing doubt. Mia didn’t take it personally. If she were in his position, she probably wouldn’t have believed in her either. So, like she always did, she just said nothing. They moved on. She went from the spotlight to the background instantaneously, all the while Edward continued stealing glances in her direction, and Peter’s intense gaze hardly wavered.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_ The apple sat upon his perfect head of hair, never quivering, just existing in a flawless state of stillness, despite the shivering of the beholder. Edward was never a crier, but the memory of him sobbing for his broken nose leaked into his expression. He stood on the edge of a roof- the one she had jumped onto the day before- tears streaming down his face. She stood a few metres before him. _

_ “Shoot it.” _

_ Four’s gravely voice echoed over the roof, though he was nowhere in sight. A gun appeared in her hands- the same one from earlier that day. She slung it over her shoulder obediently, unsure of her movements. Raising the gun to eye level, it became substantially heavier. It weighed down on her shoulder so much so that it burned, not a hot burning, but like a metallic burning. A burning of dense weight, of enormous mass sinking into incapable muscle. Her arms shook at the intensity.  _

_ “Please don’t,” he cried. _

_ “S-stop moving,” she warned, horrified that her voice sounded so weak. _

_ She was a terrible shot. With the pain and Edward’s agony, there was no way she would take out the apple without injuring him. _

_ Her finger involuntarily began clutching the trigger: it was clear she only had a few seconds.  _

_ The apple waited. _

_ “I’m sorry,” she squeaked. _

_ Her eyes shut as she pulled the trigger, the blast of the gun exploding in her ears. A piercing high pitch tone followed, making her wince and drop the gun, now light as a feather. Breathing heavily, she fluttered her eyes open. _

_ Blood had splattered the edge of the roof, and Edward was nowhere to be seen. A few seconds passed where Mia was stunned into confusion, before becoming overwhelmed in utter horror at the sound of a sickening ‘crack’. Mia moaned in pain and fell to her knees. Though her body ached with sorrow, no tears came. Her eyes clear as day. _

_ Looking up, she saw the apple, sitting contently in a pool of blood. No redder than it had already been. _

_ Eric’s whisper in her mind: “You let this happen.” _

_ “Now feel the pain.” _


	9. First Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia's first opponent is revealed and tension builds between a certain few characters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! A quicker upload, and it's a longer one too! This one was fun to write and required lots of rewriting and editing, so I hope you like it
> 
> Feel free to subscribe so you get notified when I upload, and leave a kudos and a comment if you like my work! It means a lot to me :)
> 
> Always looking for feedback as well :) anyways enjoy this one!
> 
> (also sidenote: this veers a bit from Divergent canon, but only slightly so it shouldn't be a problem I hope)

Myra.

She was versing Myra.

Of all the people, it just _had_ to be her, to make Mia’s life immeasurably more difficult.

Four announced that he’d paired them up for their first rounds but they’d move up and down the ranks depending on how they went. Mia assumed he’d chosen the pairs based on surface level ability, which was why Mia was fighting Myra, Edward fighting Drew and Peter fighting Jacob, while Tris, poor thing, sat out. Mia took this in slowly; she was still overwhelmed with the news. Everyone gossiped and chatted loudly as they crowded around the board, eager to know who’d they be beating, or losing to, for the fight time. She slunk back, processing the fact that fighting Myra would only make everything worse.

She searched for Edward, finding him at the back with Myra talking sternly, presumably giving fighting tips. It was hard for her to look at him that morning without her harrowing dream burning in the back of her mind. The apple covered in blood, the ache of the gun, Eric’s haunting voice, the crunch of Edward’s corpse on the concrete below…

And now, her agitation heightened to the highest degree as Peter invaded her personal space.

“Let’s see what we have here… Oh, Myra!” He stepped in front of her to read the board, his obnoxious demeanour testing her patience. He turned around, crossing his arms and remaining in her total view. “What’re you gonna do? Shower her with compliments? Apologise for hitting her?”

She wanted to snap at him, to smack him right in the face: it took all her will not to. She kept her expression impassive, just as she had done for all her Amity years. A tactic she often used was to take her pent up irritation and turn it into sly humour, making her _seem_ untouchable- God knows she wasn’t, all she did was sulk inside- all the while pissing off her bully. After all, if people thought nothing could hurt you, they’d eventually stop, right?

“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll kick her ass. Who knows?” She said mysteriously, a small smile playing on her lips.

A glint of humour flashed behind Peter’s eyes as his mouth morphed into a smirk. A smirk that made Mia desperately want to punch him in the nose. “Don’t count on it.”

_Who the absolute FUCK does he think he is?_

It was starting to get childish, the constant ridiculing and humiliating comments. Mia thought he _had_ to be messing with her, and the ever so slight twitch in his left eye confirmed it. 

With her years of experience, Mia could tell clear as day when someone was lying. The unsure hand movements like the combing of the hair, picking at the nails or fiddling of the wrists; the nervous vibrations of the voice, wavers and stutters and pauses; and most subtly, the movements of the eye, whether it was the glancing around or the twinge underneath, all were signals of lying, the concealment of information or hidden intentions. Even the most miniscule action could give you away. The twitch of Peter’s eye likely conveyed some sort of strain, like he was trying his hardest to appear a certain way.

Mia realised Peter probably didn’t believe the things he was saying about her- the fact that she couldn’t beat Myra, for instance. He probably _knew_ she could, it didn’t take a psychic to see that; Mia was considerably more built up than Myra, and Myra didn’t seem all too coordinated either. His goal was to psych her out, to plant seeds of doubt by saying it enough times that she’d convince herself it was true.

Although she was too self-assured to fall for it, she silently commended Peter for his attempt at mental manipulation. A sure but unethical strategy, one Mia didn’t feel she had the ability (or motive) to use. 

Mia squinted up at him. “Whatever you say.”

She almost felt pleased that someone was threatened by her, especially because it was Peter of all people, but then admonished herself for being so narcissistic.

_Believing in yourself is one thing, but believing you are better than everyone else is another._

At least Mia recognised she was no more a _good_ person than anyone else there. Sure, she believed she could outrank them, but she also believed that everyone deserved a rank, not just her.

Four’s voice rang out over the chatter, “Five minutes, initiates, until the first round.”

Time to warm up. As the crowd began to disperse, Peter strolled backwards, throwing his arms up in a shrug. “Just know I won’t be visiting you in the hospital wing.”

It didn’t hurt as much now that she saw through his facade, but still, she made a mental note that when the time came to face Peter in the ring, and she assumed that that moment wouldn’t be too far away, she would punch him square in the nose.

_Shake it off, Mia. Five minutes._

Mia found herself isolated; everyone had spread out to their own separate areas of the gym. Finding a lowly populated space, she approached a single punching bag and cracked out her knuckles.

30 seconds of fists on the bag. Like the punching bag the day before, it brought back encouraging memories. 

20 seconds of kicks, as high and fast as her legs would go. 

Stretches on her arms, legs, back, neck. 

Chin-up pullovers on the one set of bars in the gym that activated her whole body as it flipped over the bar. 

Anything to get her body moving, reacting, listening.

Everyone seemed so focused on their independent warmups, which consisted mostly of just going through their technique. Mia felt like she should probably go through some basic moves, though she figured she probably wouldn’t have to do anything too complicated against Myra, considering how she had trained yesterday, and how she was getting flustered now with her warmup. Mia spotted her throwing her arms up to Edward, clearly struggling to apply his feedback.

Despite everything, Mia did like Myra. As far as she knew, she was a nice girl. Pretty (her body structure was immaculate), smart (being from Erudite of course), always kind to Mia anytime she saw her. It used to make Mia wish they could trade factions. Surprisingly, Myra had no problem with Mia and Edward; she knew all about their secret friendship and how they’d trained together for years. The only thing stopping Mia and Edward’s friendship was Edward himself, and his ridiculous insecurities. 

Mia fastened her ponytail to her head and fanned her face; she had already begun to sweat (some bastard had decided to input air conditioning into every other area except the gym), and from the looks of it, so had the others. She stopped to watch Peter who stood a few metres away, warming up on the boxing bag Mia had been at a few minutes ago. Sweat plastered his curly black hairs to his forehead and his form was, well, pretty good for someone who learnt it the day before. Now that she was looking, she noticed he had surprisingly toned muscles for a Candor, and his strength, exhibited by the movement of the boxing bag, was definitely admirable. Despite his arrogance and constant peacocking, he seemed utterly determined and promising in the ring. In fact, Edward and him weren’t so different; they’d practically be the same if Edward were an asshole to everyone, and not just Mia. 

_And not even to mention the hair I mean-_

Her thoughts halted like words catching in her throat.

_Let’s not._

“Time!”

A commanding presence had entered the hall. Mia could tell who it was just by their voice.

“We’ll have two fights going at once,” Eric stated, strutting into the centre of the room. “After your fight, if you get beaten to a pulp, you can go to the hospital wing to get cleaned up.”

He said the last line like he was challenging the group to do so, as if having an injury left unattended was the Dauntless way. It made Mia want to roll her eyes, but no matter how brave she knew herself to be, she wouldn’t do such a thing under the watchful gaze of Eric. In fact, as soon as he had begun to speak, she had felt a pang in her chest. His voice from her dream, the one reciting those chilling words (‘ _Now feel the pain’_ ), was not going to be easy to forget.

 “Okay first up, Edward and Drew, and Will and Al.”

The chosen few assembled in their designated rings, whilst the rest watched anxiously. Most of the spectators had gathered to watch Edward and Drew, seeing as Edward had unsurprisingly gained substantial popularity. It was hard to resist that classic Erudite charm.

Peter and Molly stood behind Drew on one side of the ring, while Mia, Myra and others gathered on Edward’s side. A stand off. Four and Eric stood in between this ring and the other one, expecting to alternate between watching one and the other. 

Edward stood tall, his shoulders relaxed and stance casual. He cracked his knuckles and shook out his hands; he radiated confidence. Mia realised that she was the only person ever to have seen him like this before.

Meanwhile, Drew, who was stockier compared to Edward, scowled fiercely across the ring while stretching out his arms. Edward nodded politely at Drew, initiating a sign of respect that Drew did not return. 

That was his fatal mistake. 

“Fight.”

The fight was very one-sided. Edward had immediately jumped into his fighting stance and sent a fist flying into Drew’s jaw, too quick for him to block it. Drew squeaked, making the crowd chuckle nervously. They had expected Edward to be good, but making your opponent cry like a child with the first blow?

Mia eyed Eric from across the ring who raised his eyebrows and muttered something to Four. Four nodded once and took down a note on his clipboard.

_I’ve got to make a good impression._

Drew slowly recovered, much to Edward’s mercy, but not for long. He threw several punches, missing each time. Edward dodged side to side and whacked Drew in the temple. Drew keeled over, silently swearing, and Mia didn’t blame him. She knew how that felt.

“Get up!” Eric shouted suddenly, making everyone in the hall, including Edward, flinch.

Drew sprung to his feet, though all his previous liveliness had dissipated. He fought with as much force he could offer, each punch delivered with a growl, but to no avail. Edward sidestepped and kicked, then sidestepped and punched, then sidestepped and uppercutted. The thump of the blows was unnerving.

It was possibly the twentieth time that Drew had staggered to his feet before Four called off the match and declared Edward- pristine Edward, good as new Edward- the winner. Drew on the other hand, was a purple mess. Mia had to respect him for his determination, though. It took a strong will to get up again and again after being beaten so mercilessly.

“Get yourself cleaned up,” Four told Drew, proceeding to give him directions to the hospital wing.

“I’ll go with him,” Edward volunteered, but backed off at the sight of Drew’s scathing look. He held up his hands as a surrender. 

Mia stood to the side as Edward approached his group of supporters. They clapped him on the back and offered their compliments. Myra smiled widely and threw her arms around him. Her laugh was beautiful, Mia couldn’t help but notice. It was bright, like summertime, and seemed to warm Mia’s ears. After the gruesome experience they’d all just had, it was refreshing to hear.

However, where there’s a winner, there’s always a loser. Peter and Molly on the other side of the ring were in deep discussion, most likely about Edward and Drew. It was a lot to take in, especially for Peter, who now knew his greatest competitor. Sure he felt threatened by Mia, but she doubted he’d consider her his greatest obstacle.

The other fight looked like it was coming to an end. Will and Al both looked out of breath and their movements were sluggish, meaning the next round would be soon.

Her gaze stopped wandering. It locked on Eric as he took slow steps towards Edward, his arms folded. Mia discreetly inched closely to them, struggling to pick up a few words with Eric’s low voice and resorted to reading his lips as well. 

“Next time, don’t hold back.”

Then he nodded slightly and walked over to join Four at Will and Al’s ring. 

He wanted them to be relentless. Borderline murderous.

_Is this what it means to be Dauntless? Is this what a ‘fighter’ is? What is the difference between mercy and cowardice? Apparently none according to Dauntless!_

_‘A brave man acknowledges the strength of others’._

_‘A brave man never surrenders.’_

Mia was unsure which one she agreed with. Both were true to an extent; there is no bravery in kicking someone while they’re down. But if that’s what she had to do to win…

She had been taught her whole life to value kindness. Letting go of that, and even being willing to, would be harder than forgetting her family. But she’d be damned before she let anyone get in the way of what she wanted. She’d do anything. Even if it meant getting a little bloody on the battlefield.

A dark hole in her heart had opened up. A place reserved for sins and cruelties and moments so low they would be buried in the hidden depths of her mind. Soon she would forget who this initiation would turn her into. Nothing but a dark shadow.

Sometimes you have to do what it takes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her fight wasn’t until the last round, meaning most of the initiates had gone to the hospital wing to get their injuries tended to. On one hand, there was less pressure for Mia to perform, though on the other, there would _be_ no one to see her perform.

_It doesn’t matter. You know what to do._

She had watched the fight between Peter and Jacob, even though it was hard to. Peter, being stronger than Jacob, got him in a headlock after a few seconds and slammed his ribcage repeatedly. He pushed him to the ground, and when Jacob didn’t get up, Peter kicked him in the stomach.

It was scary how vividly she could recall Jacob’s staggered breaths as he gasped for air.

Eric hadn’t made a move to call the fight off. He simply stared, as if his eyes could inflict more pain. Peter took his silence as a cue to continue, and at that point, Mia had to look away.

With the memory still fresh in her mind, she made a mental note to visit Jacob in the ward later. They could devise a plan to prank Peter or something petty like that. Hide a rat in his bed maybe? Jacob was the only one to care about Mia’s opinion anyway. It would be nice to have someone to talk to, even if it _was_ risky making friends in her current position.

“Alright last round,” Four’s voice rang out. “Molly and Christina, and Myra and Mia.”

Mia tied her hair back in a bun, sweeping the flyaways from her face, as she stepped onto the square platform where the fight would take place. Her eyes cast downwards at the blood smeared sporadically on the soft material of the ring, and then back up at her opponent.

Myra was the same height as Edward, her legs skinny and extremely long. Although she lacked muscle on most of her body, her protruding clavicle and cheekbones were her most prominent, attractive features, which Mia had always envied; they were _everything_ compared to Mia’s chubby cheeks that hadn’t disappeared since she was a child. Her beauty became less noticeable, however, due to her petrified expression, making Mia feel even more guilty for what she was about to do.

They didn't need a cue. Both had sprung into fighting stances. Mia waited for her opponent to make the first move- it gave her a better idea of what she was up against and the best way to take them down.

Myra reached her in a split second and thrust out her fist. Mia quickly sidestepped and circled around her to the other side, but Myra didn't hesitate in retaliating. She began fiercely swinging, aiming for Mia’s head, none connecting. Mia ducked, dodged, jumped back, letting Myra tire herself out. Finally, Myra stepped back to take a few breaths.

Straightening up, Mia took in Myra’s position- heaving chest, bending over in fatigue- and lunged forward. Myra was too slow in blocking the fist that connected with her perfect cheekbone. Mia gave her two to the face, hard and fast, then one forceful kick to the abdomen, causing her to buckle over. Mia punched her jaw again, and finally she fell to the floor. 

She hesitated for a second. A glance out of the corner of her eye told her the fight wasn’t over.

A kick to the stomach. Then another. And another. 

_No mercy._

Myra spluttered on the floor.

Another. Then, one to the face. Then another. Then another.

A forceful intake of breath. Somehow, she had found the willpower to stop. Her muscles refused to act, denying the need to cause anymore unnecessary pain.

It was as if suddenly she was in control again. She found herself back in the present. Back to where mercy was found, and guilt, and other emotions that stemmed from the actions that were committed. Sympathy, empathy, hope.

Who was that empty husk of a person that she’d just become? Was that Mia now? Was Amelia Ashworth a silly human girl, and Mia a killing machine?

The weight dropped on her like a bomb.

Mia was frozen, but her eyes finally cleared. Bloody fists clenched, chest rising and falling steadily, eyes glued on the sight before her- Myra’s bruised, crumpled body lying still. Dread emerged amongst meaningless strands of unfinished thought, though it vanished when Myra stirred slightly. A figure rushed to her side, cradling her in his arms as he carried her off the ring. He wouldn't look her in the eye. Mia wouldn't want to either.

Although Eric hadn’t told her to stop, he looked satisfied nonetheless.

She stepped off the platform, knuckles still burning, and looked up. The fight between Christina and Molly was still going ahead, but the initiates that gathered to watch were hardly doing so. They whispered tentatively, sneaking glances her way. Four had her back to her, watching the ongoing fight, though, with his head at a downwards angle, was probably reading his clipboard. The fight was looking uneventful anyway.

Her’s had lasted for less than two minutes.

Mia was still breathing heavily. The guilt was beginning to settle in.

_Do what it takes. Remember?_

_Maybe now that I performed well, I’ll have a more formidable opponent for the next round._

A movement to her left caught her attention, and then caused her chest to tighten and head to whirl.

Eric, with his cold, intense eyes and overwhelming intimidation, approached her slowly, not unlike he did to Edward after his fight. His expression was unreadable, even for Mia. He could have been furious, due to his arms being crossed, yet that was his usual stance. Plus he always looked angry. He could have been proud, but usually that requires a hint of a smile, or even a hint of appreciation in one’s gaze. But Mia got nothing. It infuriated her.

“Congrats, Amity,” he said, his voice devoid of emotion. It pissed her off that he was also using the nickname. “Tell me, where’d you learn to fight like that?”

It was the question she knew would come up eventually. She had thought about it for years, prepping to say something like, ‘I always knew my true calling was Dauntless, so I decided to be prepared ahead of time,’ but now the question she had anticipated for so long felt uneasy in ways Mia didn’t know how to explain. So for some inexplicable reason, Mia felt the urge to lie. To deny. Deny everything.

There would be no repercussions now that she was in Amity. Hell, Eric might have even admired her for being so committed to Dauntless at such a young age. And yet, it felt too private to share with just anyone. Even if that person was her superior.

It was like telling a stranger her deepest, darkest secret. She wasn't ready to share that information with someone she didn't know.

“Like what?” Mia replied.

“Don’t be a smartass.” His tone suddenly turned cold. “Where’d you learn that technique?”

Again, him prying into her past made her feel unsafe, especially since she had been so withdrawn her entire life. Mia squared up to him and tried to sound baffled when she said, “I don't know what you’re talking about.”

Lying wasn’t something she had done all that often, so it scared her when she realised how easy it came. Eric stared menacingly. The dimness of the room made his eyes go from grey rain clouds on a normal day to dark storm clouds, and Mia didn’t like it. It sent a cold sweat down the back of her neck.

She shrugged. “I just applied the technique Four taught us yesterday.”

Eric continued staring blankly for a few more seconds, until his mouth curved into a smirk- an attractive one at that- catching Mia momentarily off guard. He stepped closer, her immediate reaction being to stiffen up. Then, he leaned in to her ear, like someone would when sharing a secret. As he inhaled and spoke softly, her eyes widened and a quivering sensation sparked in her stomach. Thoughts became scrambled, none of them being able to finish before another took off. 

“Keep up the good work.”

At that, he moved away towards the fight without looking at her again, and Mia was allowed to exhale slowly. 

She felt her muscles relax. Mia silently marvelled at how he could change his demeanour so quickly. One second he’s interrogating her, the next he’s encouraging her. It probably puzzled her as much as she puzzled him. Was she  _supposed_ to feel inspired by his words? Maybe this was what her dream meant. ' _Now feel the pain.'_ The pain of guilt, the pain of the fight.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. The feeling of being watched. Mia turned to Eric, but he was overseeing the fight (Christina was really getting the shit kicked out of her). She almost ignored the hunch until her eyes focused on someone leaning against a pillar in the dark across the room. They weren’t watching the match. The boy’s curly hair fell into his eyes as they fixed on her’s, sending his paranoia her way.

She sent back an unimpressed shake of the head and headed towards the rest of the spectators. Try as he might, and he would try, Peter was the one she was most determined to beat.


	10. Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mysteries became more complicated as Mia investigates strange sectors of the compound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy this new chapter! bit weird ;) next one will be up soon!
> 
> don't forget to leave a kudos and comment if you have any feedback, especially if you like the story! I love reading comments, they're the highlight of this experience :)
> 
> subscribe for updates!

Because there was so much that had happened, so much to think about, Mia stayed silent for the rest of the day trying to organise her thoughts. 

She blocked out the constant chatter of the hall at mealtimes and sat contently, rummaging in her mind through the new information. Lucky for her, no one went out of their way to include her in their conversations that day. From the snippets of what she’d seen and heard when she wasn’t spaced out, she supposed she’d instilled some sense of fear. They stared at her until she caught them, then they’d quickly hide their gaze. It made Mia seriously uncomfortable, reassuring her decision to lie when someone asked about her skills.

She recalled when she’d taken great pleasure in wanting to be recognised, admired,  _ seen _ . She cringed. Now, all she wanted was to fade back into the background. Feeling everyone’s eyes on her made her shrink; it made her harder to observe, to be invisible. It was a constant reminder of the guilt she was supposed to be drowning in. Besides, she’d rather have Peter mock her everytime she spoke than have him glare murderously from down the table.

This wasn’t how she wanted to be seen. She wanted to be liked, respected. To have them see her for who she  _ really _ is. Not as a deranged psychopath, or a sworn enemy like Peter, or a broken piece of himself like Edward. She’d rather be invisible again, where it was easy to get by, than be alienated and not get by at all.

Part of her knew it would soon blow over. Still, another part of her teased the idea of them being right. Maybe she was a psycho.

She left the dining hall early. Her appetite had vanished. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dauntless wanted her to be ruthless, so she had been. That’s what she kept telling herself to suppress that resistant voice as she stormed down the corridors towards her dorm. The others just needed to learn that for themselves.

_ If this is what it’s like now, what have I done in convincing Trevor to join? _

Her thoughts wandered to Eric, his hand placed on Christina’s back comfortingly, or so she thought. It had struck her as odd, until the moment he pushed her over the railing. Then, it had made sense, yet it didn’t make the situation any less horrifying. Mia had found the shock rendering her breathless, and she struggled to restrain herself from rushing out to haul her back onto the bridge. The way Eric stood- so casually, not bothered by her moans of helplessness- was alarming. It occurred to her that maybe she’d end up like that after this was over, the relentless weeks of Dauntless initiation chipping away at her empathy.

Then she recalled their interaction just minutes before that incident. 

It was unsettling how, in that moment, her mind gave way, no coherent thought able to form. It was as if she was back in the fight, her mind not needing to  _ think  _ per se- everything happening too fast for actual thoughts to be strung together. Her body just reacting to what is in front of her. 

Why did the same thing happen? Did situations of intimacy really have that effect on her?

Mia turned a sharp corner and stopped.

_ Uhhhh… Where am I? _

Consumed in all her thoughts, she had forgotten to take a turn a while back and found herself in a more sophisticatedly structured area. Turning her head back to where she had come from, she spotted open rooms of Dauntless members either hunched over computers or standing and watching large screens play out blurry footage. The intelligence sector of the compound, she assumed.

Facing forward, she was situated at the beginning of a long narrow corridor, illuminated by a dim dark blue light. An unimpressive, metal door stood at the end. The redundancy puzzled Mia- why need a lengthy hall for a singular room?

The door concealed either something important, for it to be located in such a strange place, or nothing important at all, for the same reason. Turning back to the dorms would be the sensible option, although, who ever said Mia was sensible?

Some things, like the door she’d just found, produced unyielding curiosity that faded only when acted upon. In her experience, the result was usually underwhelming, but in this case, with her knowledge of the existence of Divergents and the stigma regarding them, this mysterious door had even more potential to lead to something else mysterious. Or, it could be a janitor closet.

Either way, Mia had to know. She’d be risking her clean slate from the few days she had spent in Dauntless, but it was worth lifting the weight on her conscience.

She crept silently down the hallway, keeping her instincts peaked and her reflexes ready for anyone exiting the room. It was twice as difficult with her back exposed; unless she maintained her expert hearing, she could easily be snuck up on.

In a matter of seconds, she reached the metal door, the handle searingly cold under her firm grip. Before turning it, she pressed her ear against its surface, initially flinching back when the bare skin of her ear made contact with the cool metal. 

No sound. 

No one home? Or was the door’s thickness simply obstructing sound? It was near impossible to tell. She promised herself that if she opened the door and heard voices, she’d back away immediately.

Slowly, Mia turned the round knob… and it jerked to a stop.

_ You’ve GOT to be kidding me. _

She let out an impatient huff and turned the handle again, this time more forceful. Still locked.

_ Well of course. Trying it a second time isn’t going to make it magically unlocked, is it? _

Mia stood there for a few moments, frustration fueling her curiosity. Strange, for there was no key hole or place to swipe an ID card. It was likely it was locked from the inside, and that meant at least one person probably had to be inside at all times. Mia backed away from the door quickly and quietly, realising whoever was on the other side of that door could come out at any minute, especially if there was more than one person in there with them. And she was not eager to exchange any pleasantries.

Stumbling back into the main hallway, Mia meant to fast-walk back to the dorms but instead found herself halting in place, nearly running into a large figure.

_ Shit. _

Mia stared like a deer in the headlights up at Eric. It was peculiar seeing his features up close in the minimal light of the hall. She noticed her eyes were level with his chin, meaning he looked condescendingly down at her. The shadows cast across his face, darkening his eyes and making him somehow more attractive and, at the same time, more frightening.

“What are you doing here?” He demanded, squinting in the darkness.

Searching for an answer that seemed innocent, Mia brushed a stray hair out of her eyes. She noticed he had his arms crossed, though she figured he didn’t know how to stand any other way.

“I got lost,” she said. “Sorry.”

She didn’t expect him to believe her- she didn’t really try to sound convincing anyway- and the small raise of his eyebrows proved so. She just needed to get away from this place. 

Despite his expression, Mia made a move to walk past him, but he moved swiftly to block her path, his chest coming within centimetres of her’s. The memory of him throwing Christina into the Chasm flashed across her mind. Mia inhaled sharply and glared daggers, despite being wary of getting on his bad side. It only made him smirk in satisfaction. She tried moving again and got to his side before he grabbed her wrist. The skin on skin contact sent a nerve of panic up her arm and Mia whipped her head around incredulously.

_ What is his  _ deal _? _

“Sneaking around isn’t brave, Amity. It’s stupid. Don’t come back here.”

Was that a warning or an order? Either way, it only heightened her interest. She wasn’t aware there were things worth sneaking around for. 

Eric spoke in a harsh tone, yet after his grip loosened and Mia snatched back her hand, he took a second to look her up and down. Then he turned away and continued down the corridor.

Mia pursed her lips. All of this, especially Eric, only created confusion. She was unsure of whether she would even be able to sleep that night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With all of the drama, the focus on her training and her newfound revelations, Mia could almost forget the glaring problem she’d suppressed the past few days. Her Divergence. 

That was if those revelations didn’t involve that certain glaring problem, and Mia prayed to God for them not to be. Never in her life had she had this many issues at any one time.

One of those issues was presented before her now. Entering the dorm room, though at this time of night it was barely lit, she saw one pair of eyes locked on her. Then another. Then several more, until everyone’s conversations had ceased and they all took turns staring at Mia.

It was only for a few seconds, enough for it not to be too awkward, but for Mia, it felt like it would never end. It was so unbearably uncomfortable, as if she were wearing a completely different skin. The urge to scratch at her arm to peel away at the layers lingered as she crossed the room to her bed. She sank down into the mattress and leant over her knees to untie her sneakers, whilst noticing someone approaching her slowly. 

“Hey, Mia,” a hesitant voice greeted. Mia looked up to see Jacob, whose innocent face had been detrimented by swelling and bruises.

_ No ‘Amity’? That’s a change. _

Only then did she remember that she meant to visit him in the hospital wing, but if she was honest, she’d gotten so distracted, and besides, he seemed to be functioning fine now. It still didn’t make her feel any less bad for him, though.

“Hey,” she responded.

Jacob was fiddling with his purple-blue knuckles and kept opening his mouth and closing it, to which Mia stopped with her laces and watched him with her eyebrows raised and a small smile.

“I just wanted-  _ we  _ just wanted…” He gestured to two boys sitting a few beds away, “...to congratulate you. On your fight today.” 

Mia clenched her jaw and looked at the ground. 

“You were really… awesome.”

“Thanks,” she said hastily. “But it’s not really something to be proud of.”

Jacob sucked air between his teeth. “Yeah, yeah… Myra was really shaken after that…”

He trailed off ominously, leaving Mia wary that her imagination was likely to manifest the horrors of her suppressed guilt during her sleep that night.

“So anyways, uh, good job on today,” he finished, though he didn’t seem done. He looked at her expectantly, though Mia just smiled thinly and nodded once.

“Right,” he said to himself.

As Jacob started to head back over to his friends, Mia kicked off her shoes and sat cross-legged on the bed. She began to untie her hair before Jacob turned back to her, tone laced with pity.

“You know you can…  _ hang _ with us, right?”

Mia, with a hair tie between her teeth and her hands holding up her hair, stared in surprise. 

“We’re going out tomorrow night. We figured everyone else has gone to get tattoos and stuff, so why the fuck not?”

Wow, so there really is a silver lining. Yes, he felt sorry for her, but Mia worked best on her own: she’d done it for so long. Yes, maybe they wanted to use her for advice but Mia detected genuinity in his proposal.

Her hard, cold self encouraged her to decline, yet Mia was too flattered to think critically- she was being offered friendships, and although it could be considered ‘risky’, she didn’t care anymore. She was in a good position (ranking wise) at that moment, and the more time she spent stewing in her toxic thoughts, the more insane she was going to become. 

Mia let her hair drop and took the hair tie from her mouth, enabling her to speak.

“Sure. That’d be fun.” She offered a warm smile and Jacob grinned back.

“Cool,” he said. “See you around, Mia.”

She watched him stroll with his hands in his jean pockets back to his friends- the shiny blonde-haired Candor transfer Noah, who seemed quite friendly with Jacob, and another Candor transfer (Dustin, she recalled), who was scrawny yet appeared much more mature than most of the others. It was odd to call them her ‘friends’ since she knew nothing but surface level information about them. It was odd to call anyone her ‘friend’ since Edward. The closest thing she had since then was Trevor.

The lights in the dorms shut off, blackness hindering her sight.

Thinking about that small boy with his tousled black hair made her heart ache. He was all alone in that worn down hut on the hill, having to tuck himself in at night and wrap his arms around his own body when the voices from outside the door grew much too loud. Mia got under the covers and willed the sadness to go away.

“Ready for bed, Amity? Got your stuffed teddy?”

_ I see the old Peter is back. _

She mouthed curses at him even though it was too dark to see. He spoke in loud whispers as he climbed the ladder to his bed.

“Huh. ‘Amity’. I don’t even know if I should call you that anymore. Not after what you did to Myra.”

A pause. Mia waited for the insults to keep coming.

“Your real name’s Amelia, isn’t it?”

Mia anticipated something annoying coming from this. The power of knowing someone’s real name can be cruel; it’s stealing one’s most precious and private possession, something they keep close to their heart, and threatening to thrust it into the open.

“Anyone ever called you Millie?” He jeered.

She stayed silent. No, no one had. And she was glad. It made her sound like a 12 year old Amity school girl who wore pigtails, jumped rope and did homework for fun.

“I bet they have. I bet all the guys do.”

His obnoxious grin was practically audible.

_ What is  _ that _ supposed to mean? _

“Or, I’m the only one. Which is probably more likely. Since you don’t have any friends.”

She wondered if he was going to talk himself to sleep.

“Millie. _Millie_. Millie… kinda sexy if you ask me.”

“Would you shut up?” She whispered angrily.

“Sure thing, Mills.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ She stands on the hill, leaning against a great tree. Her long black hair is carried by the wind, long strands flowing like great oceanic waves. The sun is high in the sky, and the farm is bustling with workers. The chorus of laughter sweeps fields which are decorated with specks of yellow and orange.  _

_ Then, her legs are working down the hill, the momentum propelling her forward to speeds greater than what should be physically possible. Now she has the power, and she doesn’t require any more force to carry her to where she needs to go. She travels to the edge of the forest, a place she is not acquainted with yet feels a kinship with. A type of connection stemming from mutual relations. Someone  _ told  _ her to come here. _

_ Something bubbles inside her. It spits as it boils and spills out her mouth, hot and fresh- laughter. Then something else follows, a drug running through the veins that extends from her heart and consumes her, reaching the very tip of her fingers. Courage. _

_ A great oak, comically large, stands before her and, with the help of the wind, waves hello. The branches tip their hats and the leaves rustle with gratitude. They thank her for coming. It’s been a while since they’ve had the chance to talk to anyone. _

_ Suddenly she is at the bottom of the trunk, her neck craning upwards towards her goal. She is filled with confidence. ‘It’s easy’. When she grips the first branch and hoists herself up, she is weightless. She climbs the branches, each one reaching out to her, eager to help. _

_ She is halfway when the weightlessness wears off. The branches become rubber and bend under her grasp. Her body is an anchor, fighting to sink to the bottom and her hands are coated with grime. The branches are talking too fast- they have so much to say, they’ve been subjected to harsh conditions since their last friendship. _

_ She lets out an inhumane groan, pushing through the fatigue. The branch she calls for rejects her and her equilibrium is disturbed. She feels her weight tip backward, and then the air is rushing past her ears as she plummets, the top of the tree sneering down at her. Who did she think she was? _

_ The leaves fade into a sky. A familiar one. She is falling into Dauntless again, except the sky is not just any grey. No, it is the grey of his eyes. _

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

The falling sensation threatened to heave up her breakfast. Mia had awoken with heavy eyelids and a piercing headache for a reason unbeknownst to her, and now she felt sickly. 

_ Oh no, I have  _ training _ today. _

She’d have to fight through it, splash herself with cold water to wake herself up, and if that didn’t work, find some fucking painkillers.

“Hey,” Jacob said, sitting beside her. “You alright?”

Mia had been in a sort of trance, functioning on a brain capacity that wouldn’t worsen her headache, so she flinched when he spoke.

“Huh? Oh, yeah I’m fine…”

“You look a bit pale,” Noah commented, mouth stuffed with toast.

She was too drowsy to protest when Jacob pressed his hand against her forehead. He winced and pulled his hand back quickly.

“Wow that’s not good, you’re really hot. You might have a fever or something.”

“No no, trust me I’m fine,” she chuckled, which then made her want to vomit.

Jacob gave Noah a concerned look, to which Noah shrugged. Her current state wasn’t going to let her slack off, especially since her opponent today was going to be harder than Myra. She was going to have to find it in her to push through.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mia tried her hardest to walk normally to the gym, but found herself struggling to remain upright. The floor began to slant and her head felt dizzy. She needed to sit down, lie down perhaps, but she couldn’t. She had to train, she had to fight.

Four addressed the group, standing at the front. He sounded like he was speaking underwater, and Mia could not for the life of her work out what he was saying, nor could she get a clearer enough view to read his lips. Mia felt her world giving way beneath her feet, yet she fought for dominance over her balance. As people started to move away from the board, she stood a step forward and her body crashed to the floor. 

She was conscious of someone flipping her body over, yet she did not feel it. Her eyelids fluttered open for a few seconds, obtaining obscure visions of blurred faces peering over her- recognising Jacob and Noah- before she was granted darkness.

  
  



	11. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia slowly recovers from her accident and indulges in the Dauntless traditions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, what’s good? nothing much happens in this chapter, it’s mostly filler but it’s important all the same.
> 
> as usual, make sure to comment if you like the story or have something to say (I love hearing predictions), leave a kudos, and subscribe to my account to get emails for when I update!
> 
> love y’all ;))

_ I’m certain it’s a fever. She has exhibited all of the symptoms, and it’s not uncommon among transfers. It seems she may have been training too hard, or even just worked herself up a bit. Try to take it easy on them, Eric. _

_ Can’t promise that. _

_ Well, I really don’t need any more initiates stinking up my ward, as much as I love your company. _

The first sign that proved she was in fact, _not dead_ , was her working ears. Then, encased in darkness, she managed to curl her fingertips, the only part of her body able to respond to command. She tried her toes; they twitched at first, then finally began to wiggle back and forth. The feeling spread back up her limbs.

Mia stirred, feeling the mattress beneath her body and the cotton sheets that covered her. As her eyes blinked open, she realised they were weirdly wet. Tears? The idea that she’d been crying in her sleep baffled her, especially since she almost never cried and had no reason to, much to her memory. Mia didn’t think that was particularly normal.

Her perplexion increased at her unfamiliar surroundings. She sat up a bit too quickly, and gasped when a cluster of pains and aches came over her, mostly in her neck and head. A woman in a white coat rushed to her side.

“Sweetie, not too fast,” she chastised. “The drugs are still kicking in.”

It took a moment for her vision to focus on the woman’s face and her brain to process what was happening. She was in the hospital ward, of course, although it wasn’t like the public hospital in the city at all. No, the walls were dark and lined with shelves stacked with medical supplies; neatly made beds, some separated by curtains, were organised in rows against opposite walls of the communal room; and there was only one woman dressed in scrubs underneath her coat. One nurse. She had short brown hair flipped over one side of her head, the other side being shaved, and a round face with large dimples and bright red lipstick.

“How do you feel?”

“Like shit,” she muttered. “My neck’s sore and my head hurts like a bitch.”

The truth was, as much as her muscles felt like strings on an instrument pulled too tight and her head felt like a drum, she was hollow. It felt like someone had tipped out the contents of her heart into a box and sealed it up, though she had no idea why.

The nurse chuckled at her choice of words. “You’ll likely have a headache for the next couple of hours- you hit your head before you went out. What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I fell. In the training room,” Mia replied, massaging her aching temples.

“Good, no signs of memory loss. Can you describe how you felt before you blacked out?”

“Uh…” Mia was distracted for a second by the sight of someone lying unconscious a few beds down. “Dizzy, hot, tired. Sick in the stomach. I had a headache, though it wasn’t as bad then.”

The nurse nodded, pursing her lips. “As I suspected. You’ve got a fever sweetie, a bad one at that, and a bit of exhaustion. But good news, if you rest, you’ll be alright for tomorrow.”

A wave of relief came over her, replacing the hollowness that had worried her into thinking her capacity for emotion had been eradicated, until she remembered what she’d missed today. Her fight. Relief was quickly substituted with frustration. What had she done to get this fever anyway? She had felt  _ fine _ the day before. 

“Just take two more of these-” the nurse held up a bottle of white pills- “in two hours’ time. Then you’ll be right to go.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “The ones you’re on now can make you a bit loopy but it’ll wear off after a while.”

Mia thanked her. It was comforting knowing she didn’t have to spend the night. Hospitals weren’t really her thing.

When the nurse stepped back, Mia spotted Eric leaning against the wall a few metres away. He had somehow eluded her sharp eye.

She would have been shocked, or embarrassed even, but her headache seemed to limit the number of emotions accessible at any one time. She held her hand against her thumping forehead and watched as the nurse approached him. They spoke in hushed voices, though judging by the nurse’s fidgety stance and Eric’s usual one, it was a casual conversation. She detected his disinterest: his gaze occasionally wandered around the room while she talked.

Mia paid attention to his tattoos- the ones that ran up his forearms in a maze-like pattern, and the two strips from the base of his neck to his jawline. They succeeded in making him look more intimidating than he already was. What was he doing there anyway? Checking up on her? And why? Why her? 

After some time, the nurse left to tend to the only other patient in the room. Eric approached the foot of the bed, peering down at her almost condescendingly.

“You feeling alright?” He asked, though she wondered why he’d bothered seeing as she obviously wasn’t.

Mia looked at him through half-lidded eyes. “Peachy.”

“Good, because you’re going on a field trip tomorrow. To the fence.”

Somehow, Mia nodded without extreme protest from the pounding in her head.

Eric hesitated before walking over to the head of the bed, making Mia strain her stiff neck to talk to him. “Are you sure someone didn’t poison me?”

It seemed the drugs had erased any filter Mia normally had implemented upon her speech, and she foresaw that it’d only be a matter of time before she said something she’d regret. Unexpectedly (Mia wasn’t sure if she was hallucinating), Eric had cracked a small smile.

“Why do you say that?”

Mia impulsively rolled her eyes. “I mean, I was  _ fine _ yesterday. And most of the others hate me. Or are scared of me.” She let out a giggle. “I guess I brought that upon myself.”

“Probably,” Eric said matter-of-factly. “But I think you’ll find that you did was what the others are afraid to do.”

She shrugged. “I guess so.”

Across the room, the nurse was bent over her patient, applying some sort of substance to their face.

“What is she doing?” 

Eric replied patiently, “It’s a gel that we use to fade our injuries. It’s mostly used for bruises. Most of the time we let it heal naturally, but it’s good for quick recovery.”

“Huh.”

Later, Mia would curse the universe for not putting her in a better state to have this conversation- she was running out of brain cells and was speaking solely on impulses, though she did make a note to steal some of that gel. It could come in handy.

“So I guess no one here really needs a real hospital.”

Mia, meaning to carry on, stopped all of a sudden. Eric could have begun talking- she knew he wanted to bring up something else on his mind- but her look of deep-seated sorrow left him in anticipation.

“I’ve only been to the hospital once before,” she stated, the memory vivid. “For a school excursion. I was nine. We got to see the different wards, learn about the different doctors, hear their miracle stories. We even learnt some simple medical procedures, like how to check for your pulse and how to apply a tourniquet to a simple wound. I was so amazed, I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days afterward. I decided I wanted to work there when I grew up.”

She paused.

“I was chopping vegetables one night. My parents were out with my brother so they left me in charge of dinner. The knife slipped and I cut my finger, almost to the bone. It hurt like hell, but I swallowed my cries and saw my opportunity. I went looking for a bandage, or anything that would do, to cover it up, as I had learnt. 

I couldn’t find one. I didn’t want to ruin a blanket or any of my spare clothes, and we had no medical bandages in storage. The blood dripped all over the house. We’re told to conserve water at Amity, so I was afraid of using the tap to wash it off. It kept coming and coming and it kept smearing all over my hands and then I’d wipe it on my clothes but it would stain my skin and I just... 

Before that, I had never cried much. Sitting on the kitchen floor, I cried for ages. I thought I was going to bleed to death. Everytime I would wipe my eyes, I would spread it on my face. It was utterly  _ revolting _ . And the cut  _ burned _ , so so much. Eventually my family came home, found me and fixed me up. I know now that I was overreacting, but stuff like that… stuff like that sticks with you.”

Mia took a breath.

“I hate blood. I hate the smell, the texture, the  _ taste.  _ I’m lucky to stand the sight. It’s worse when it’s my own, when I touch it. You can imagine what it’s been like growing up, what it’s like when I bite my lip.” She cracked up at her own joke.

Eric didn’t say anything, he just watched her attentively. 

“It’s called haemophobia. I’ve never told anyone about it. It makes me sound weak.”

During a small silence, Mia understood that revealing her greatest fear (as far as she knew) to a Dauntless leader who was assessing her on her bravery was probably not a smart move. Especially because someone who hated blood would not last long in a place like Dauntless. Even so, Eric didn’t seem fazed.

“I’m still waiting for you to tell me how you learned to fight like that.” Mia saw that he was fiddling with one of his eyebrow piercings. “I heard that Edward has been training since elementary school.”

Mia smiled to herself but didn’t speak. She was acutely aware that he was taking advantage of her heedlessness.

“Know anything about that?”

He used that low sinister voice, its effect nullified by her condition. Although she had spilled one of her secrets, she wasn’t willing to spill any more. So she simply winked in response. It filled her with glee to see him become visibly irritated, and she knew her sober self would scold her for being so provocative.

Eric realised he wasn’t going to get anywhere while she was like this. He dropped his usual crossing of the arms and reached out to squeeze her shoulder comfortingly. Even in her state, she registered that it was an odd thing for him to do, and eyed him curiously.

“Get some rest.”

He avoided her gaze as he stalked out of the ward. After a few minutes, Mia felt the exhaustion overcome her once again and eyes become heavy, diminishing the thousands of questions absent of answers  that were running through her brain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had slept lightly, occasionally waking to the smallest of noises. It was a few hours later when a group of people spilled into the room, the shuffling of their feet disturbing her awake.

Through her blurry vision, she saw the group stop and talk to the nurse before three figures moved to the other side of the room and two figures walked her way. As they came to her bedside, she recognised them as Jacob and Noah and breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Geez you look awful,” said Noah, furrowing his blonde brows.

“Dude!” Jacob scolded.

“What? No offense.”

Mia sat up in her bed, leaning back against the headboard, and smiled. “None taken. Although, maybe look in the mirror.” It was good to see them, even if they were covered in hideous bruises.

“So, just a fever?” Jacob said, to which Mia nodded. “You really scared us for a minute there. You just fainted all of a sudden.”

That made her wince. Fainting was never a good look for someone who wanted to appear tough.

“Yeah, then Eric  _ yelled _ at us-” Noah rolled his eyes “- and picked you up and carried you out.”

Mia was too sedated to fret over that detail. It wasn’t news to her that he favoured her for some reason- she hated to think it was because of Myra, but there wasn’t really another plausible reason. Plus, it explained why he’d visited her. 

Still, it was strange imagining Eric of all people carrying her unconscious body through the Dauntless compound, with countless passerbyers stealing worried glances.

“I know we’re supposed to be brave or whatever,” Jacob began hesitantly, “but seeing you like that… you looked dead. Like a lifeless doll. It was terrifying.”

“I think it psyched everyone out. The only ones who weren’t bothered were Peter, Molly and Drew. I think they laughed about it.” Noah shrugged, pulling an apple from his pocket and taking a bite.

Jacob looked exasperated. “Noah! Seriously?” Noah threw his arms up innocently. “We talked about this! Filter?”

“Oh shit, yeah. I didn’t mean that. They were totally upset.”

“I’m sure they were,” Mia grinned, seeing Jacob facepalm. “And as far as I know, I’m very much alive.”

She swung her legs over the bed and reached for the pills and the glass of water that sat on her bedside table, assuming it had been two hours since she last spoke to the nurse. She downed two of the pills with the water, her friends watching worriedly, and stretched out her neck- it was feeling a lot more relaxed. Her headache continued to throb but would hopefully die down with the help of the pills.

“I can’t believe I missed all of today,” Mia said despondently. It was frustrating to think she’d delayed her chances at moving up the ranks, especially now that she’d have to work twice as hard the next time.

Noah took another bite of his apple and spoke with his mouth full. “You didn’t miss much anyway. Like I said, everyone was distracted so no one fought really well. Except Peter I guess, but that fight didn’t last long. Oh look, there’s Tris…”

Three pairs of eyes glanced over at the patient whom the nurse had been treating; Tris was sitting up and conversing intently with her friends, though despite the gel, her face was still unnaturally purple. It didn’t look like Peter had held back. Eric would be pleased.

“Besides,” Noah continued, “you weren’t down to fight anyone.”

Mia’s head snapped back to him. “Really?”

“Yeah. Guess you picked a good time to get sick.”

Despite how much it stung to hear that she’d been deliberately sat out, she contemplated and decided it was a good thing. By sitting out early on, the rest of her training would go uninterrupted.

“How did you guys go?” Mia asked.

Jacob cringed slightly and glanced at Noah. “Well, I fought Christina and won… barely. And Noah...”

“Will beat the shit out of me,” Noah said indifferently and took another bite. “My face is killing me, it even hurts to talk right now.”

His coolness surprised Mia. It was easy to picture Noah as Candor, with his combed blonde hair, porcelain-like features and the careless way he spoke. It broke the tension in the conversation and made Mia feel less like she was suffocating and more like she was just  _ talking. _ He was good to have around, although his lack of enthusiasm did make her worry about his chances of making it in Dauntless.

“So I really shouldn’t be complaining then,” Mia joked. 

Jacob smiled and shrugged. “Not really.”

Having the boys comfort her had given her the energy she needed to finally get out of bed. She downed the rest of her water and got to her feet. “So, are we gonna get tattoos or what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The parlor was bathed in a soft red glow. The main room, which stretched to an enormous length similar to the training room, swarmed with Dauntless members pouring over different styles of tattoos. Off to the corners were the booths, separated by long black curtains. Mia, Jacob and Noah browsed the images that hung off tall pillars in the centre of the room, and along the walls. 

“I might get my family’s names or something like that…” Jacob said.

“Oh what a bore,” commented Noah.

Jacob shoved his shoulder lightly, muttering, “Shut up.”

Mia scanned the endless pictures, overwhelmed with the choices. They all look appealing, but she didn’t want one just for the sake of it. She wanted something with meaning, yet any of one of those could be meaningful if she thought about it enough.

“What are you thinking, Mia?” Noah asked.

She let out a huff. “No fucking clue.”

“I don’t think I’ll get one,” Jacob decided, strolling along with his hands in his pockets. Mia and Noah turned their heads to watch him quizzically. “I don’t need a tattoo to prove I belong.”

His logic was correct, but Mia was following through anyway. Tattoos seemed to be a tradition in Dauntless, and besides, Mia wanted a way to honour her homage. Now that she was Dauntless, or more correctly  _ would _ be Dauntless, she wanted something to remind her of what she’d left behind.

Noah scoffed and grabbed his hand. “Come with me, tightass.”

As he dragged Jacob along, who spluttered in surprise, Mia waved with a twinkling in her eye. There was something there, she figured.

Turning around to continue her search, a tall pillar filled her view. She gazed up at the assortment of flower designs, some simple as a single rose, others more complicated- collections of different sizes and types. Mia examined one at eye level, a complicated configuration: extravagant poppies with delicate, paper-like petals; small tulips with thin leaves sprouting from their stems, some of them falling from the majority; baby ferns in between carefully placed bluebells. The intricacies of the design appealed to her, and she imagined it climbing from the right side of her middle back to the top of her right shoulder blade. The flowers were pleasantly reminiscent of her old faction- her father often kept a flower garden down the bottom of the hill and sometimes picked a few to sell or keep on display. She recalled an early memory of him placing a white poppy behind her ear. Mia traced the image with her fingers, the falling leaves representing her departure, and the different flowers the fact that she would never belong to just one faction. She could not be confined to one quality as society wished.

The tattoo was large. Well, while she was there, she might as well have gone all out.

“Wow, did  _ not _ expect to see you here. Thought you’d be out for longer. I swear I saw little birds flying in circles over your head.”

“What are you even doing here, Peter?” 

She really meant it. It seemed when she was on the verge of achieving some form of happiness, he always came out of nowhere to pull her back. He really had nothing else to do except ridicule his fellow initiates- Mia felt a pang of sympathy for Tris. It gave her no satisfaction to see his bruise-free face.

The mention of her recent incident made Mia aware that her headache was merely a dull background hum; at least he was good for something.

Peter leaned against the pillar. “What do you think, Mills? Geez I knew you were a pansy but I didn’t think you were stupid.”

Mia sighed exasperatedly. She wondered if she’d ever be able to have a conversation with Peter without him insulting her. Grabbing the design from the wall, she walked away briskly. Peter pushed off from the wall and jogged to catch up with her.

“Don’t take it personally, I think all of Amity are pansies.” He suddenly snatched the picture out of her hand, making her stop abruptly in her tracks and huff out of frustration. He whistled. “Nice.”

She was not in the mood for playing his petty game. 

“Peter.” She held out her hand.

“Where are you gonna get it?” 

“None of your business.” She swiped at the model but Peter held it high, out of her reach. He raised an eyebrow questioningly.

The hum of her headache was becoming more prominent now.

“Peter, give it back.”

“No, not until you tell me where you’re gonna get it. Oh, is it embarrassing?” He feigned pity.

“What? No,” Mia grimaced. “On my  _ back _ , stop being a fucking child.”

She finally took back the design, much to Peter’s amusement. “What happened to you today? You looked like a fucking… a fucking  _ corpse _ .”

“Fever,” Mia replied firmly, hoping he’d leave it at that.

Peter let out a laugh. “Really? Shame, Mills. You missed out on your boyfriend’s fight.”

She tensed. “What? What are you talking about?”

“You know, your boyfriend. Edward.” 

Mia let out a strangled noise. “Who the hell gave you that idea?”

He gave her an impatient look and crossed his arms. “You did, for one. You watch him fight like you’re too afraid to blink. Besides, you too are always looking longingly at each other. It’s disgusting.”

Mia severely doubted that. She said patronisingly, “Okay, Peter.”

“Don’t think I don’t notice. Besides, who else would have taught you to fight?”

_ How the fuck… _

Her initial impulse was to freak out and interrogate him as to how in the world he knew one of most well-kept secrets. Luckily, an inkling stopped her, one that recalled how manipulative and cunning Peter was. He used to be Candor, not Erudite. There was little probability that he had actually acquired that information reliably in the first place, though for someone who was previously Candor, he was damn good at lying.

“I did,” Mia lied, appearing slightly offended. “I taught myself.”

Peter clicked his tongue. “You sure fight pretty similar.”

_ Was everyone really watching that closely during my fight? I’ve only fought once and everyone’s treating it like I won some gladiator battle.  _

“And it’s not even like that,” Mia continued, desperate to save herself. “We were just friends.”

“Might want to tell him that,” he mumbled. 

Confusion clouded her mind and Mia started to overthink- could Edward still...? She noted not to get too worked up over it, but look out for it all the same. It could just be a matter of Peter trying to distract her.

“Why are you talking to me about this?” Mia questioned, yet an idea occurred to her straight after she’d spoken. “Oh…”

She now saw through his words and his tactics- why else would he bring up Edward to her if not to see her reaction? He was coming to her for advice: he somehow knew about her strong feelings towards Edward. How she wanted to beat him. He wanted them to work together, not that she would ever agree. She may have wanted to beat Edward, but she wanted to beat Peter more.

“Well as much as you’re a joy to be around, I’m not going to coach you,” she murmured, and turned to continue across the room to a free booth.

“I didn’t say that!” he objected.

“You didn’t have to!” She called back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mia had awoken relieved. Although she’d sweated excessively during the night, her sleep was dreamless and her headache had finally subsided, as well as the numbness in her back where the electric needle had etched the tattoo permanently into her skin. 

Unfortunately, the field trip to the fence was painfully bland. The train ride had been nothing new- full of talk of theories about the fence and bickering between certain people (mostly Peter with just about everyone else). They’d alighted from the carriages and trekked across the marsh that led up to the massive wall.

It was a tormenting structure, especially for someone like Mia. It teased the urge to take just  _ one _ step beyond to see what it feels like to not be confined. It was easy to see from where she stood below that the electric wire was too thick to cut through with pliers. Even if you could, you’d have to disable the power. The intervals between each wire were large enough to squeeze through, but not enough that you wouldn’t fry your insides. And to top it off, there was a 50 metre high concrete wall before the fence even started. In spite of the obstacles, Mia could see herself on the other side. Not intending to escape or run away, but to see what it felt like to be on the outside looking in.

Someone on the train had asked what was beyond the fence. Someone else had responded with Amity farms, and a few people glanced in her direction, expecting to see some sort of emotional reaction. She wouldn’t give them that.

It was a fact. Amity farms existed beyond the fence. There was no reason to get so upset about it. 

However, it was only when they stopped near the gate and a truck drove through that she actually  _ felt _ . A couple of Amity members, one of which Tris appeared to know, were gathered in the back of the truck. One of the girls was playing the banjo and the sharp notes were like pinpricks to Mia’s skin.

Her mother used to play. Instead of reading to her and Trevor to put them to sleep, their mother would strum softly and sing. While Mia was useless, her mother had a beautiful, calming voice- one created for lullabies. She heard less of it as she grew up. It was wasted on yelling.

She knew he was coming before he actually got there. 

“You know them?” Peter asked, his voice low and unkind.

Mia shook her head. They looked like transfers.

“Go say hi. After all, they are your people.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Mia said through gritted teeth, “but I’m not Amity anymore.”

“Well you’re not Dauntless yet either. So you’re still Amity to me.”

“With that logic, you’re still Candor.”

“Yep, and the Stiff is still a Stiff.”

Mia never liked that nickname. If simply ‘Amity’ was annoying for her, she couldn’t imagine how degrading she’d feel being called ‘Stiff’.

The Amity members said goodbye and drove away, the music that was fading into the distance still present in her mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It wasn’t actually that bad. You’d think having holes drilled into your ears would be excruciatingly painful.” Jacob shrugged.

“That’s because they apply a numbing agent, dumbass,” Noah said.

“...Oh. I knew that.”

“Of course you did.”

It was a few minutes before lights out that they were sitting on the bottom of Jacob and Noah’s bunk bed. 

“At least you didn’t have to lay on a cold-ass bench  _ half naked  _ in front of some guy who you've never met, letting him stab you for five hours,” Mia admitted.

“True,” Noah acknowledged. “But you didn’t have to listen to this guy  _ complain _ for that five hours.”

“Wha…? Getting your ears pierced is a big step, okay. It goes against most of what Erudite taught me- no emphasise on vanity, it distracts us from our work or whatever. Plus, there were so many to choose from!”

“In the end I had to make him close his eyes and pick one randomly.”

Mia observed the new silver sleepers that hung from Jacob’s ears. They suited him and she would have told him so if not for the way Noah had been sneaking not so subtle admirable glances in his direction.

“They look… interesting...” she said vaguely, provoking a response from Noah.

Jacob’s face fell and Noah, as she had hoped, quickly chimed in, “Don’t listen to her, they look amazing.”

“Thanks dude,” Jacob said, looking instantly happier.

Mia smiled slyly. “I think it’s time for bed, boys.”

She hopped off the bed and bidded them goodnight, the lights shutting off as she was on her way back to her bunk. Where no one could see, she stripped off her shirt, deciding to sleep only in her bra and sweatpants, remembering the sweat she’d accumulated the previous night.

Sadly, it was only her imagination that she heard a faint banjo lulling her to sleep.


End file.
